How are you feeling?” is the first thing we often ask a pregnant woman. But with their wives’ bodies changing before their eyes and their home and daily lives about to be turned upside down by a new family member—not to mention the seemingly innocuous comments that suddenly become capital offenses when met by some vicious maternity hormones—a pregnancy can be an emotional rollercoaster for the men too. We set out to learn how dads feel during this life-altering time—whether it’s with their first child or their third!
When We Decided to Have a Baby…
“We had always assumed we wanted kids. When my wife told me she was pregnant, my heart skipped a beat for sure. I had a bit of fear and excitement, definitely in that order.” Andrew Newton, father of a 16-month-old daughter, and expecting another child in September.
“I remember that we had discussed having kids before we got married. My wife said she thought it was the right time and reminded me that we had talked about it. I remember saying, “Oh really, did we talk about it?” I was caught off-guard by my own admission, and so I was definitely nervous when we decided to try and have a baby.” Phil Friedman, father of a 2-year-old daughter and expecting another child in June.
“I was extremely happy. It’s hard to explain. With my wife’s first pregnancy, I felt really inexperienced—you don’t know what your wife is going to go through. Now, when I learned that we were expecting a second child, I felt more confident and more relaxed. But I am just as happy the second time.” Jose Torrecilla, father of a two-and-a-half- year-old daughter and expecting another child in September.
“When we decided to get married, my wife and I both knew that we wanted to have at least two kids. We were already in our early thirties. We found out that my wife was pregnant on our honeymoon—we were both just ecstatic and excited. At that point there were no feelings of anxiousness and worry.” Brian Deutsche, father of a two-and-a-half-year-old daughter and a one-month-old son.
The First Weeks of Pregnancy…
“It was exciting and scary, and very tough on my wife. In hindsight, I wish I had been more understanding, because I was wrapped up in my own anxiety. It’s hard to be so supportive when you are so anxious yourself.” Andrew. “Basically, when the woman becomes pregnant, you can’t be mean, and you have to do whatever your wife says.” Jeffrey Orenstein, father of two sons (12 and 5) and one daughter (6).
“I’ll tell you this—women often say that men have no idea what it’s like to be pregnant. That is very true. But most women don’t know what it’s like to be married to a pregnant woman.” Phil.
It Actually Sunk in That We Were Having a Baby When…
“For me, it was when I heard the heartbeat—it really sunk in at that moment, and it was very eye opening. It started to hit home a bit more.” Andrew.
“It really hits home when you see the baby on the ultrasound and when you hear the heartbeat—it suddenly is very real. The heartbeat solidified it in my mind.” Brian.
“I just wanted to tell everybody and everyone. My wife really had to hold me back because I was so excited. We were at 12 weeks and one minute, and that’s when I got to tell everyone.” Phil.
“When we could finally find out the sex of the baby, I figured that it was going to be a boy. I come from a family of all sons, and my father does too. We went to the ultrasound, and the technician told us it was a girl. I remember asking if he was positive and him answering, ‘It’s definitely a girl.’ We found out four to five days after 9/11, and I was in shock that there would finally be a little girl in my family.” Jeffrey.
“Somewhere around the third trimester you segue from excited to terrified.” Anonymous, expecting his first child in June.
Our Version of the Nesting Instinct…
“I think men experience a different kind of nesting instinct. I’m worried about whether or not the house is painted, or if the furniture we bought is going to fit in the nursery, not really the clothes and decorating.” Anonymous, father of a 7-month-old son.
“I don’t think I had any nesting instinct, but the expectation of a new baby gave me a new perspective on every decision I made. Every purchase and every career decision you think through more. You are really trying to secure your child’s future.” Brian.
The First Time I Held My Newborn…
“I tell people still to this day that the happiest that I’ve ever been in my life was the first three days that each of them were born. Well, at least the first two days. Then the sleepless reality sets in. At times, parenthood is very difficult, but you have to remember those first few days.” Jeffrey.
“One of the first things I said when I held my daughter was, ‘The wedding is going to cost me a fortune.’ But, really I was very excited about everything.” Phil.
“Excitement and happiness. I was in the clouds and thinking I can’t believe this is mine, this is my daughter. Also, since I had spent three days with my wife in the hospital, I was excited to go home and to start our new life with a baby.” Jose.
“I was crying tears of joy. I was really nervous. When I held my daughter for the first time, I remember thinking, ‘She’s so fragile. I have to be so careful.’ On the way home, I drove about 20 miles per hour, and I stopped at every intersection even if the light was green. The second time was less stressful, and now I know that babies are tougher than they look.” Brian.
You Mean We Take it Home With Us?…
“I remember thinking how crazy it was that we went into the hospital as two people—just my wife and me. Then we left as three—a family unit. It was just incredible.” Anonymous, father of a 2-year-old daughter.
“The scariest moment in your life is when the three of you are heading home—standing outside catching a taxi. That was some experience. There you are, heading home with a car seat in between you and your wife. That moment was something I’ll remember for a long time.” Andrew.
