The holidays have been a time of merriment and gluttony for everyone around me. And now I hear a lot of talk about New Year’s resolutions. I also hear that they are made to be broken. Since toddlers have such big hearts, raw emotions, and unfiltered, honest commentary, you can be sure that I will keep my resolutions. Whether Mommy or Daddy would sign a consent form on my resolutions, well, that’s for another piece
1. Delete the word “Share” from the dictionary: Many times I am happily playing with my favorite toys and a friend just takes it away. Sometimes a friend politely asks for a turn. That is even worse. Mommy always tells me to share and let my friend take a turn. Forget that! It’s my toy and I am having fun so why would I want someone else to have my toy and my fun. No matter how much I cry or try to share, it just is not a word I want to learn or something I want to practice. And in reverse, if I get bored of my toy and then grab my friend’s toy or take a cool looking scooter from someone I don’t even know– so I can’t hurt their feelings– at the playground, I am told to give it back. The irony!
2. Continue to poop in my diaper: While it is fun to watch and observe every time Mommy goes potty on the potty, I prefer to do it in my diaper. I will happily sit on my potty chair, do business with you, and flush together but I will do it while wearing my diaper. The diaper is reliable and always there for me when I need it. Is the potty always there? Nope. It’s just not the same. And while I cheer and clap when we go potty together, it’s more for Mommy than me. It keeps Mommy off my back and lets her think I’m making progress when I pretend. If it doesn’t bother me to sit and play in poop, why should it bother you?
3. Turn on the television: I love watching “Sesame Street” and PGA golf tourneys but can only do so at the mercy of Mommy and Daddy. They must have put a magic spell on the remote control because no matter how many buttons or combination of buttons I push, I cannot get the darn thing to turn on. Or if it does magically turn on, it just plays music and that is not what I want to watch. I see all the cool TV ads on the bus and taxi when I walk around the city and want to watch those shows. This toddler seeks some more variety and spice in her life.
4. Unlock the iPhone/iPad and get my own personal device: Mommy is living in the dark ages. She hardly has any cool tech toys in the house for me. All I have are wooden toys and learning games. All of my friends have their own iStuff and I want it, too. I rightfully always try to make Mommy’s iStuff mine. I know how to make the magic home screen come on but then it is locked. I have tried every key in the house and swiped every way possible but nothing works. With all the emphasis on learning my letters, numbers, words, telling time, second languages, and more, you would think that I would have my own Apple device with apps to help teach me the way. But do I? No…no, I do not!
5. Avoid going in the stroller unless I ask to ride: I am only going to walk with my own two feet as my method of transport. Mommy and Daddy and all the cool, big kids walk so why would I want to go in the stroller? You can pimp my stroller all you want with toys, you can attach a snack cup and try lure me with food, and tell me somewhere fantastic that you will take me but I still don’t want to passively sit when I mastered walking like last year. Why sit in the stroller and lose control when I can walk leading you? I will take you where I want to go and see and do what I want for a change.
*Most Important Resolution*: Say “I love you:” Mommy always tells me how much she loves me. In return, she often asks me to say “I love you, Daddy,” “I love, you Puppy,” or “I love you, Mommy.” And I really love Mommy. I want to tell her that without being prompted. Just so much other stuff comes to mind and out of my mouth first. Like more milk please or get shoes and go outside. But I should say it since I really feel it. I love you, Mommy!
Happy New Year!