How to Find And Connect With A Caregiver You Trust

THE NANNY (OR AU PAIR) CONNECTION

When a nanny or au pair first joins a family, the relationship a parent shares with them is often difficult to navigate. Suddenly, another person is helping raise your child, and it can take time to establish a set of rules and understandings for this new role. For advice on making the nanny-parent bond as strong as possible, we spoke with Doug Kozinn, cofounder of Absolute Best Care; Ruth Ferry, program director of Au Pair in America; and Tasha Blaine, author of “Just Like Family: Inside the Lives of Nannies, the Parents They Work for, and the Children They Love.”

• Decide what kind of person you are looking for. Before hiring anyone, parents should consider the qualities in a caregiver that are most important to them. Everyone wants someone who is responsible and nurturing, but what else are you looking for? An independent person who will schedule play dates? Someone who will follow your lead? Or somewhere in between? “You have to be very clear about what your own expectations are,” says Ferry. It’s also important to understand the value of qualifications and experience. “A professional, crystal-clear work record is so important,” says Kozinn. “It ensures that your children will be well taken care of.” And finally, don’t forget about chemistry. “Sometimes parents hear great recommendations about a nanny, but don’t get a great personal vibe and hire them anyway,” Blaine says. Instead, parents need to “make sure it feels right from the get-go. It should be organic.”

• Nail everything down on paper. “As in any relationship, if key matters are discussed early on, they’ll be easy to handle later,” says Kozinn. To that end, experts like Kozinn recommend drawing up a work agreement at the beginning of the job to clarify work schedules, rates, overtime, sick days, holidays, even food requirements for your child. This is especially important if your nanny or au pair is living with you. “It’s more like an arranged marriage—it’s a partnership,” says Blaine.

• Keep communicating. “This person is partnering with you in the growth of your child,” says Ferry, so it’s important to regularly check in with each other to chat about the child and week’s activities, and anything else of importance. However, these discussions shouldn’t be one-sided. “You want someone who makes it feel like a conversation rather than a Q&A,” says Blaine.

• Give positive feedback. “Make sure when they do something great that you say, ‘Thank you, you did a great job, my child and I are grateful to have you,’” says Blaine. This ensures a balance in the relationship for when you need to give negative feedback, and lets them know that you value and appreciate them.

THE DAYCARE CONNECTION

A good daycare center not only tends to your children’s basic needs, but engages them in a way that parents would themselves, and thus plays an essential and positive role in a child’s development. But because a daycare center is a place of work, a parent can’t have the kind of oversight and control they can with a nanny who they employ. However, there are still many ways parents can establish good and trusting relationships with their daycare providers. Barbara Robinson, executive
director and founder of Manhattan daycare and development center House
of Little People, offers some important tips.

• Attend An Orientation. “A good orientation makes a better relationship with the parent and daycare,” Robinson says. The first thing to do is review the facility, evaluate the equipment and make sure it’s appropriate for your child. A good daycare will provide a tour and
carefully explain its daily procedures. Note the adult-to-child ratio, as well as the experience and background of the supervisors. Still,
remember to consider these professionals beyond their education, and try to judge if they seem nurturing and responsible.

• Participate. A good daycare center provides frequent activities for not only children to get actively involved in, but parents as well. “For our cultural month, parents from different cultures will bring in food or something to share that explains who they are and where they’re from,” Robinson says. Also, parents should attend field trips whenever possible. She also urges parents to keep in regular contact with other parents to share experiences and learn from each other. “We try to set the scene for parents to exchange ideas,” Robinson says.

• Communicate. Daycare centers should keep a parent frequently updated on their child’s progress via regular reports, whether through email, phone or in person at pick-up or drop-off. And it goes both ways—parents should share information with the staff about their child that they may want or need to know. “Seek an open-book policy,” Robinson says, meaning a staff will appreciate and address your concerns and suggestions.

• Trust The Daycare You’ve Chosen. Trust is essential to any kind of relationship, but none more so than with those caring for your child. The fact is, you can’t know everything that transpires during your child’s day, so once you’ve chosen a daycare, relax and trust your instincts.

THE BABYSITTER CONNECTION

Although babysitters don’t live with families and their commitment typically isn’t as long or regular as a nanny’s, babysitters are still an enormous help to parents, and at their best, bring warmth and fun into the home when parents can’t be there. Melody Rubie, founder and president of Smart Start Sitters, shares her perspective on building a good relationship with a babysitter.

• Pick a good one—and the right one for your family. Babysitters aren’t all the same. Some are better with older kids, some with infants and toddlers. Some babysitters are CPR certified, though most aren’t. Whatever their qualifications may be, it’s important to find someone who can meet your family’s particular needs, which, according to Rubie, should be done through “reading references, having background checks and interviews.”

• Have a meet-and-greet. Consider it a job interview. Take one hour to sit down with the would-be babysitter, ask and answer questions, show them your home, and best of all, see how they interact with your child. “With the child there, you can see the chemistry,” says Rubie.

• Talk it out. “Be clear and very detailed with what you like,” says Rubie. That means telling the babysitter when bedtime is, what snacks are allowed and when you’ll be home. By discussing these things early on, you and your babysitter can avoid future conflicts.

• Appreciate your babysitter. Being a babysitter isn’t all fun and games. If they’re doing a great job with your child, it’s important that you show some appreciation. “Show [your appreciation] financially, too,” says Rubie, who advises parents to know the going rate and pay appropriately. Likewise, respect their time—if you’re going to be late, call. “Babysitters have a life too,” says Rubie.

• Trust your babysitter. “If you feel like there’s no one else who can take care of your child other than you, that means you’ve given up your whole life,” says Rubie. “Take a step back, pick a really good sitter and let go a little. It’s probably time.”

CAREGIVER RESOURCES IN NYC

BABYSITTERS:

Baby Sitters’ Guild, 60 East 42nd Street, Suite 912, 212-682-0227

Barnard Babysitting Service, 49 Claremont Avenue, Second Floor of Elliot Hall, 212-854-2035

Columbia University, East Campus Building, Lower Level, 212-854-5494 (potential employers can post under job listings)

Marymount College of Fordham University, 718-817-4350 (potential employers can post under job listings)

NYU, 133 East 13th Street, Second Floor, 212- 998-4730, (potential employers can post under job listings)

Pinch Sitters, 212-260-6005

Sensible Sitters, 334 East 94th Street, Suite 3A, 646-485-5121

Sitter City, 888-211-9749

Smart Start Sitters, 207 West 106th Street, Suite 1D, 917-208-0790

DAY CARE CENTERS: