I like
TV.
I want to
say that before anything else. I look forward to each new season of Top Chef or Bored to Death or Batman: The
Brave and the Bold. (Yes, I’m a forty-year-old man who watches cartoons. I’m
at peace with that.) I can stay up until 2:30AM because I’ve gotten caught up in
season two of Arrested Development on
Netflix. I LIKE TV. —
Additionally–and
I’m not proud of this–it kind of gets my hackles up when someone goes out of
their way to let you know that they don’t
watch TV. The point in any celebrity profile where the reporter quotes the
celebrity as saying, “I don’t even own
a TV,” is the point at which I crumple the magazine up and hurl it away in
disgust. It just sounds so pretentious. Again, not proud of it. I’m sure there
are thousands of truly wonderful people who don’t even own a TV. Just don’t
make it the first thing you say when you meet me.
Despite my
fondness for the televisual arts however, my wife and I have made the decision
to hold off on letting our kid watch TV. My wife read the book The
Case for Make Believe by Susan Linn and was somewhat horrified by these
tests that show what happens to the brainwaves of a kid in front of the
television. Basically, the book says, they enter something like a coma state. This
would explain why the television is such an excellent babysitter.
Because of
this, our son, soon to turn three, has no favorite shows on Nickelodeon. He has
only a passing knowledge of who Big Bird is. He doesn’t have a collection of
DVDs that he’s demanding to be shown constantly.
Now, let me
make it clear that I’m not trying to proselytize about this. I’ve got friends
and family whose kids can quote Dora the Explorer like a thirty-seven-year-old
guy at a Star Wars convention quotes Yoda. And these kids are great, sweet,
intelligent individuals, as are their parents. My wife and I don’t go into
people’s homes and take a baseball bat to their widescreens or set fire to
their boxed set of Blue’s Clues.
But people
often don’t have the same level of respect coming in the opposite direction. We’ve
had people get seriously offended when, in the course of a conversation, it
comes up that our son doesn’t watch television. Some people get riled up and
defensive, pointing out that, of course, their kid isn’t watching Jersey Shore or anything. They feel, I
guess, like we’re attacking their decisions and saying that their child is
doomed to fail because of Sponge Bob.
When the
conversation reaches this stage, I generally try to change the subject, often
by making amusing shadow puppets. I truly don’t want to debate anyone on this. Hey,
they could be right. Maybe Barack Obama wouldn’t be the president if he hadn’t
watched New Zoo Review as a kid. I
don’t know.
I mean, I
watched a lot of TV as a kid. I
watched enough TV growing up that I can name for you, without looking it up,
every show that spun off of Happy Days.*
I watched all that and I would argue that I’m not an idiot. (I might use small
words to do it, but I’d plead my case.)
But this is
the decision my wife and I have made for our child. And I wonder why people
can’t just respect that decision. I wouldn’t criticize you if you put your kid
on a macrobiotic diet. I might question your sanity in my head, but I’d never
force my opinion down your throat. And I guess that’s what I’m saying here. I
wish we’d all keep our opinions out of each other’s throats.
*Laverne & Shirley, Mork & Mindy, Joanie Loves Chachi and Out
of the Blue, which was actually a spin-off of Mork & Mindy, but is genealogically an offspring of Happy Days. Why do I know these things?
Joe Wack currently
teaches science to elementary school children in the Bronx. He lives in Harlem with his wife and 3-year-old son.
For more on Joe, see our contributors list to the right.
