Whether your little scholar is just starting kindergarten or gearing up for fifth grade, the modern elementary school world can seem like a maze of parent-teacher tension, learning style nuances, and questions of how involved parents need to be. Navigating all this can be intimidating and overwhelming, which is why ML Nichols—an education consultant and founder of The Parent Connection, a nonprofit parent education group—did plenty of research so you don’t have to. Her new book, The Parent Backpack for Kindergarten through Grade 5, offers insights into the ins and outs of the elementary school system as well as the role that parents should play in their children’s education. We got her advice on how you can help your kids make the best of their school years.
Tell us more about the overarching theme of your book, that involved parents translate to better students.
I’ve been involved in schools [in the Boston area] for over 12 years now, and I’ve read a lot of research on the subject of parent involvement. There are literally over 70 studies on the subject, and all point to the same conclusion: Once parents get involved with their kids’ education, their children will do better in school. I don’t know why they keep doing the research, to be honest!
What are some ways that a parent can be involved with their child’s education?
First and most importantly, it really does make a difference what you do at home. Parents are at home with their kids three times longer than kids are in school—in waking hours, not just total time. [Parents] have a much bigger influence than teachers do. Making connections at home with what your kids are learning and tapping into what they’re curious about is so important.
Another way [to be involved] is with the class and the teacher. A lot of parents don’t have the time to get in and volunteer, but that doesn’t lessen how you can be involved with your child… [Outside the classroom] the third way is through the school council, PTAs, and committees.
Tell us about different learning styles.
Visual-spatial learners learn the best from what they see. So, for example, when practicing spelling, visual learners have the need to write down the word; it’s not enough for them to spell it out loud. If they can just spell out words out loud, then they’re probably more of an auditory learner. They process by what they hear. And then there are kinesthetic learners, who are more physical and hands-on experiential. They need to see it, feel it, touch it, move it to really understand. No one child falls into one of these categories; they tend to migrate towards one or another.
What if you disagree with your child’s teacher about something that’s happening in the classroom?
It’s okay agree to disagree and take it to the next level. Any time you are going to take something to a principal, it’s really important [and respectful] to let the teacher know—if you go around them, they’re going to be angry. Ninety eight percent of the time, a principal will loop back to a teacher before they return a call or set up a meeting with the parent, because they want to hear it from the teacher’s perspective.
I think there’s an inherent conflict between teachers and parents. Schools have the huge job of moving hundreds of kids from Point A in September to Point Z in June; they have the collective two dozen kids to worry about in one classroom. We as parents have one child to worry about, so we’re micro-focused on that child. Hopefully that tension that inherently exists can be channeled constructively.
What should parents keep in mind when communicating with their child’s teachers?
The technique I use is called “The Power of P3.” Start out in a positive way. If you go in with the belief that there is an issue but that you’re going to come out in a positive way, you’ll be able to solve it together. It’s a very big difference from going in and demanding [something from the teacher]. Next, be professional. Be polite and respectful in your observations, so the teacher hears the concern as opposed to an attack. Lastly, be persistent. Teachers are busy, but if you’re concerned about something—and you’re positive, professional, and persistent—you will get your child’s needs met.
How involved should a parent be with their child’s homework?
Your role as a parent is to guide, not to do. It’s okay to have their homework go back to the teacher with a few mistakes. The temptation may be to fix it, but the teacher needs to understand what your child’s needs are. You can check it to make sure it’s done and that there are no mistakes that happened because your child was rushing. Rather than doing the homework with them, promise to check in and see what they can do on their own—if they’re 10 years old, come back in ten minutes; if they’re 8 years old, come back in eight minutes.
What’s the deal with homework meltdowns? How should parents handle them?
A lot of times homework meltdowns come from kids feeling stressed and overscheduled. If homework doesn’t seem like a priority at home [amidst all their other activities] but the teachers stress its importance, it’s hard for children to reconcile that and a lot of meltdowns happen. Have homework be a priority—and take it on with a positive attitude. If you talk about it in a negative way, it’s really hard for your kids to complete it.
Any general tips for homework helpers?
Break homework down into parts so it’s not overwhelming and take breaks on the downhill. If they do the hard parts first, they’re much more inclined to want to come back, because they feel like they can get [the rest] done with no problem. Praising effort is so important, much more so than the grade.
Make sure they’re doing their homework on their own timing. If your fifth grader wants to come home and do his homework right away but your second grader is not in that mode and wants to go out and play before doing it, it’s important to recognize and honor that [as long as your second grader’s homework eventually gets done, too, of course].
You finish your book by emphasizing how important self-advocacy is for confident and responsible children who “stand up for what they need and want.” How and when should a parent introduce this concept?
Before kids can actually advocate for themselves, they need to be comfortable raising their hand and saying, “I need something, I don’t understand this, can you explain it again?” There are some kids who are comfortable doing that in kindergarten, and there are some kids not comfortable doing that until fifth grade, if then. It’s important that parents understand where their kids fall on that continuum. The earlier you recognize where the comfort level lies, the earlier you can start role-playing with them a little bit, giving them information, and giving them the language to speak to their teachers and ask for help.
