“Mom, what does feck mean?” – Corbin
“What?” – Me
“You know, feck?” – Corbin
“What do you mean, feck? I don’t think that’s a word, Corbin.” – Me
“You know, like feck you!” – Corbin
Oh, feck! He wants to know what f-ck means!
I felt a surge of nervous energy and a dash of anxiety, and decided I was gonna ostrich this one…you know, as in stick my head in the ground and pretend I didn’t hear what he was saying. How could my sweet little boy be asking me about the f word?! I asked him where he’d heard the word and he told me on the bus ride to school. I slipped into denial mode and changed the subject. It worked….for about 24 hours, until he asked me again, “Mom, what does feck mean?”
After our first exchange ended with me in denial like a 1950s housewife who doesn’t want to explain where babies come from, I knew I was doing a great disservice to him by not answering his question directly and confidently. As a television journalist, I’d spent a lot of time in newsrooms where swear words were used as nouns, verbs, adjectives, and adverbs. So I’ve been hyper aware of not swearing in front of Corbin. But I began to question myself, wondering, “Did he hear me say f-ck?”
“Mom, tell me what feck means.” Corbin said. In his defense, he attends a school with a large international population of students with a wide range of accents. And on top of it, he has a charming little Southern accent. The mix-up in the pronunciation of the word ‘f-ck’ came honestly, I believe.
“Corbin, the word is f-ck and not feck. It’s a really bad word that you cannot say at school. EVER. If your teachers hear you say that word, you’ll be sent to Mrs. Hirschman’s office and possibly kicked out of school.”
Okay, so in telling him part of the truth, I had to add some extra punch and toss in the threat of getting thrown out of school, which I don’t think would really happen. Keep in mind he’s 7 years old and I still can still put the fear of God in him…sometimes.
And as the curious brain of a 7-year-old keeps on churning, he was relentless and came back at me with more questions. He looked up at me with his innocent, big brown eyes and says “So what does f-ck mean?” At this point, he was using the correct pronunciation of the word, which was a little unnerving to hear.
So I put on my big girl parenting pants, dropped the ostrich act, took a deep breath, and answered his question…kind of.
“Corbin, f-ck is a really bad word that grown-ups use when they are upset and can’t find better words to explain their feelings. They say f-ck when they are really mad.” That was a great answer, I thought. But he wasn’t satisfied
“Ok, but what does f-ck mean?”
This child is just like me. He knows when he’s being given the run-around and having his questions dodged. This questioning skill will serve him well later in life but at that moment, it was killing me!
Am I really going to tell my 7-year-old what f-ck means? We’ve not even had the complete discussion of the where babies come from. Am I going to take him down the road of unraveling the meaning behind the list of the four-letter words that you shouldn’t use but often do as an adult? Yes, I was and I did. However, I never thought I’d have to start with the word “f-ck.” Explaining the word “shit” would be far less of an ordeal as that word often slips out under my breath.
“Corbin, f-ck means the same thing as having sex.”
“Oh, so like when people love each other and they feel all tingly around each other?” he asked.
“That’s exactly right!”
We all know that is not exactly the definition of the f word, but that was about as much honesty as I could muster for one day. I felt like the biggest fraud with this half explanation of the f word. But I could see from the look on his face that he felt confident he knew what the word meant. I bet he’ll be explaining the proper use of it the next time it comes up on the bus ride to school. I just hope it’s not within earshot of the bus monitor!
I’m sure this is just the first of many direct conversations and teachable moments I’m going to have with Corbin in the days and years ahead. As uncomfortable as the talks are, it’s my job as a parent to teach him about these things. After all, knowledge is power, no matter what the subject may be—right?
Check back soon for details on our discussion about sex…
Growing up as the perfect second child in a family of three, DJ Duckworth swore she was never having kids…up until the moment she actually gave birth. She’s been writing and reporting on life since she could form letters and speak to anyone who would listen. DJ has worked as a television anchor and reporter, as well as a yoga instructor. This well-traveled Arkansan now lives in Manhattan with her husband, her son, Corbin, and the world’s most amazing wiener dog, Leo!
