Tug-of-war, talent shows, campfires and s’mores, these are the joys of family reunions. Last summer I attended 43 family reunions in my new life as an innkeeper at the Wilburton Inn in Manchester, VT. As I watched 97 year-old patriarchs frolic with 9 month-old babies, I realized how family reunions are bedrock of childhood.
My college friend AJ Jacobs set a Guinness Book World record for hosting the largest global family reunion. “Our DNA is far-flung,” he says. “A family reunion is a good way to share stories and memories and ideas with those you hardly know but to whom you are connected on a deep level.”
I am still close with my cousins, thanks to our annual Thanksgiving and Passover meals with my mom’s ganza meshpucha. These memories give us unity and comfort, especially now that the older generations have passed. But how much closer we would have been had our afternoon meals extended into slumber parties for 30?
Here are a few tips that I learned from our many family reunion guests. May they inspire you to plan years of colorful, joyful family reunions!
1) Pick a Bigger House Than You Think You Need
Squeezing into your favorite jeans is one thing. Squeezing into a house with 20 relatives is another.There’s always a grumpy in-law who resents being dragged along, so it’s worth it to spend a little more and get a larger home where s/he can read their Kindle in peace.
Also, be sure the house has a big enough living room and dining room for the whole gang hang out together. After all, that’s why you’re doing this.
2) Location, Location, Location
Pick a town that has lot of things to do. Fingers crossed, the sun will shine and the dads can golf as the kids zipline and then everyone can take a glorious family hike. But it’s still good to know where the local bowling alley is, just in case.
If you do end up indoors, try hands-on, interactive group activities that are unique to your location, like glass blowing or cheese-making.
3) Tradition!
Tevya said it best in “Fiddler on the Roof”–traditions keep a family together. One group has a family book club and discusses a different story each year. In another family, everyone, including the kids, has to share a joke at the dinner table. The family elders tell stories about the family history. Another family makes a point to share favorite memories of relatives who have passed away. These traditions connect the children to the family roots and legacy.
I was very touched by a family that came with 31 family members to celebrate their 31st family reunion. Their tradition is a family prayer circle where everyone shares what they hope for in the coming year. One family member writes these down and emails this list to the group so they can pray for each other throughout the year. When they unite the next summer, they revisit the list to celebrate what came true.
4) Put Your Kids’ Devices to Good Use
Accept that, even in nature, your kids are going to be on their iPads. But you can help them use their screen time to be creative! They can shoot and edit a family movie on their phone. Have them interview the oldest relative and make a documentary. Let them use their laptops to be the DJs at family dance parties.
5) To Cook or Not To Cook – That Is the Question
Cooking together is a great way to bond, but be mindful that it’s no fun doing the dishes–especially on vacation. At the Wilburton, we offer guests the option of having our chef and staff cook and clean up after all or just one big celebration meal. For groups that enjoy cooking together, divide into teams and decide on theme meals in advance so people can practice their favorite recipes. Make sure it’s not just the guys who grill and the women who do the dishes.
6) Plan In Advance
It’s a pain in the neck to organize all the logistics of a big group vacation. But if you do it before 30 relatives walk through the rental house door, then you can relax and enjoy the time together. (I always say that the person who organizes the trip gets the biggest bedroom.)
7) Let the Games Begin!
Lawn games like corn hole, Frisbee, flag football, giant outdoor Jenga are great for all ages to play together. Create teams for spirit. Make your own family color war and Olympics. Cards, headbands, and charades are great free fun family indoor games. The point is to pick games with audience participation. And when the kids go to bed, the grownups can play Scrabble.
[gravityform id=”13″ title=”false” description=”false” ajax=”true”]
9) Sing!
True, I was a children’s songwriter before becoming an innkeeper, but I do feel that music is an important part of every family reunion. Encourage everyone to bring instruments. Sing around a campfire. Put on a family talent show. Turn your living room into a karaoke party by streaming videos from YouTube. Have the kids put on skits to celebrate family milestones. Write a family theme song to a famous song. As “School House Rock” taught us, we remember what we sing, so sing your own family song!
10) Not Everyone Has to Wear the T-Shirt
Remember, not everyone has to do everything on family reunions. This is the key to getting that reluctant spouse in #1 to come back the next year. So if someone doesn’t want to wear this year’s family T-shirt, that’s just fine.
For a terrific resource on family reunion planning, check out family-reunion.com, and click here to learn more about family reunions at the Wilburton Inn.
Melissa Levis is the new Maria von Trapp and singing Vermont Family Innkeeper at the Wilburton Inn in Manchester, Vermont. Before joining her family inn, she entertained 10,000 New York City tots a year as Moey, the beloved lead singer in Moey’s Music Party. Now Melissa, her King Charles Cavalier spaniel, Jetson and three generations of the Levis family love welcoming other multi-generational family reunions at the Wilburton Inn. Check out their Family Inn theme song.
