I’m not that funny. I tried,
many lifetimes ago, to be a stand-up comic. I failed. Miserably. And often. I’m
more of an accidental, a little goofy, kind of crazy type of funny. But my
husband, he is funny. Perhaps, the main thing that attracted me to him was his
sense of humor. He cracks me up. Constantly. In any situation…which has become
even more important as we entered parenthood and began guiding Kiddo through
this world together. Having a partner on this journey–one who can find the
humor at 1:37 a.m. when Kiddo has puked all over both of us, her comforter, her
pillow, Blankie and 14 stuffed cats–is, well, let’s just say I can’t imagine
parenthood without laughter. —
Which is why Rated P…for Parenthood, the new Off-Broadway musical that takes on every facet of parenting, works so well. It is
funny–the laugh-out-loud kind of funny and that sweet, nodding, aww yeah kind of funny. And, as I watched the
show, I just knew the creators and people involved were the kind who are naturally witty. Effortless funny. Like my husband.
The parents of Rated P, four (of the many) creative
minds that formed this show and have kids in real life, grabbed a drink (or
three) with me the other night. We talked a bit about the show, but mostly
about all things parent-y. Who was there? The writer of the show Sandy Rustin
(mom of two boys), the director Jeremy Dobrish (dad of two girls), and two of
the stars: Joanna Young (mom of three boys, including a set of twins) and David
Josefsberg (dad of two boys).
My theory was right. They
are funny, really funny. And smart.
And they reminded me the importance of laughter, of saying “yes,” and of tweezers.
Let’s start with: Best. Parenting. Moment. Ever?
Jeremy: When my older
daughter was maybe two, I took her to the park one day. She was playing, and I
noticed she had gotten into some tissues and was breaking off bits and putting
them up her nose. So I started pulling them out of her nose, but then there was
another one and another one, and I asked her how many she put up her nose and
she said, “I dunno.” So, I kind of freaked out, but then went to Duane
Reade and bought tweezers. She must have put, I don’t know, in my memory it was
20, but it was probably a dozen.
Joanna: I think it’s a
general thing. When my oldest son comes home from a play date, and the parents,
especially ones I don’t know very well, tell me that he’s empathetic and polite
and super sweet. That’s when I think I’m doing okay, I’m doing something
right…but then I think of my twins and their behavior…and I think it’s just
nature and nothing to do with
nurture.
David: Is this good or bad
parenting? I teach my kids all of the curse words. I write dirty songs and I
let them hear them and they say them sometimes in the house, but they never say
them anywhere else. I tell them it is just for the house…and they don’t say
them anywhere but the house. Is that good or bad?
Okay, that brings me to your worst parenting moment?
David: Every morning, when I
rush them and yell at them to get them out of the house is not my finest
parenting moment.
Joanna: Oh, I have screamed
so loud that I thought I injured a vocal chord. I don’t even remember about
what. I’m sure my kids will in 18 years be telling their therapists ALL of my
parenting fails.
Sandy: When we moved to our
new house, my older son was pretending to be a bat with his feet up over the
sofa, and he fell on his shoulder and started sobbing. I was just frustrated, so I told him to
get up and get over it. He was okay, and still complaining about it a little.
We put him to bed, and we heard him whimpering in his room.
The next morning, we decided to take him to the doctor because he was still a
little upset about it…and he had broken
his arm! I felt so horrible.
David: Is this a parenting
fail? My son was three and a half, and he was still pooping in his diaper and I
took a picture of it and said, “This should not be in a diaper!”
Did it work?
David: Soon after, he
stopped popping in the diaper…so…Parenting Win?
Best advice you were given about parenthood before
you were a parent?
Jeremy: Let them play on the
carpet. I read a book, can’t remember the name of it, and there was an episode
in the book, where they are staying in a hotel on a trip to Disneyland. And the
dad wants to get everybody moving and get out to the rides. But the carpet has
a pattern on it, and all the kids want to do is play on the carpet. The dad is
freaking out. He’s like, “We paid all of this money! We are here! Get off of
the carpet!” But the kids don’t care…they just want to play on the carpet. I
held onto that.
Sandy: My best advice came
from a book, too. It’s titled So That’s
What They’re For! and it’s about breastfeeding. It talks about how everybody
thinks nursing is so natural, but, in fact, it is an acquired skill, and both
you and the baby need to learn how to do it. It told this story of a mother
gorilla who had been raised in captivity in a zoo and had never witnessed
nursing. When her baby was born, she couldn’t figure out how to feed her baby,
and she ended up killing her baby because she was so frustrated. The zookeepers didn’t intervene. But, when she became pregnant again, they brought in a
nursing woman every day for the last trimester of the gorilla’s pregnancy. The
gorilla was fascinated and would sit and stare and watch this woman nurse her
baby. Then, when she has her next baby,
she knew what to do and went on to be a fantastic mama gorilla. It was a really
good lesson for me to learn. That I’m not going to know how to do this
perfectly right off, you have to learn this parenting thing. Don’t be the bad
gorilla, be the good gorilla.
Joanna: My parents always treated my brother and me like people. They never
talked down to us. We were always just people. So, sometimes I say things that
are more adult to my children than need to be said, but they are people. And I
used to babysit and nanny a lot, and it was great for me to see what worked
parenting-wise and what didn’t. I would see parents discipline their kids and
NEVER follow through. I learned if I’m going to say I’m going to take something
away, I have to take it away. I’ll say, “No TV show if you don’t do this,”…and
then I think, Damn, why did I say no TV? That’s Mama’s downtime!
David: If they aren’t
talking at 12 months or 14 months…they are eventually going to talk.
Joanna: Yes! And they will poop on the toilet. They aren’t going to get
married in a diaper.
Sandy: Oh, and I read
somewhere to on any random day have a “Yes Day,” where you say “yes” to
everything. I try to do that every once and a while. On those days when I make
it a “Yes Day” it is so freeing.
Joanna: Do you tell them
it’s a “Yes Day”?
Sandy: No, it just becomes a
different vibe in the house…you can’t do it every day.
Joanna (in a loud whisper to
David): She sounds like a “fun” mom.
David: It’s a “Yes Day” every
day in my house. (in a mock accent) You want a fourth dessert? Yes!
What’s your must-have item in your purse or bag or car?
Joanna: Wipes
David: Wipes, definitely.
Sandy: Wipes. I had a cool
wipes case and I still like it. Made by Angie. I don’t know who she is, but her
name is Angie.
Jeremy: Tweezers, I guess.
Hardest question your kids have ever asked?
Sandy: It was 6:45 in the
morning, I was brushing my teeth, and my older son woke up and came into the
bathroom and, in the span of 60 seconds, asked me, “What’s a tampon?”, “What
are particles?” and “Do they bury Torahs in cemeteries?” I was like, “I have to
go get coffee!” I get questions like that from him all of the time.
Joanna: When my oldest son
asks questions like “Where do babies come from?”, they weren’t nearly as
stressful as I thought they would be. I find religion questions hard. They are
so complex.
Jeremy: We were in the car
one day listening to the radio and my older daughter was singing along to this
Katy Perry song. She was singing, “Let’s go ALL THE WAY tonight!” and then she
added, “Yes, Dad, I do know what that
means!” So, you know, she’s good, she’s all set. She’s seen Rated P. She’s done.
Sadly, readers, you may not
get to see Rated P…For Parenthood.
The show is closing this Sunday, April 8–so if you want something to do this
weekend while the family is in town for Easter or Passover, check it out. The
good news: the show may be heading to other cities, so tell your non-NYC
friends to keep an eye out for it.
Thanks to Sandy, Jeremy, Joanna and David for
spending time with me, and Elizabeth Wagner for setting it up!
When not blogging for CafeMom,
working (ohsoslowly) on her book, or writing for New York Family,
Heather Chaet documents moments of motherhood, the little successes and
the epic fails here — and on Twitter (@heatherchaet).
