The Pros & Cons Of Taking A Toddler-Free Vacation

To vacation with toddler or not…that is the question.

This has been a long, long, long winter for everyone but especially for moms with a toddler in a NYC apartment. My daughter and I spent too many cold and snowy days indoors. In the past, my husband and I have always planned a winter vacation somewhere warm, but this year we got preoccupied with the possibility of moving to Brooklyn for more space. We spent more time searching through real estate listings and dragging our daughter to open houses than researching vacation spots.

By the end of April, the weather was still chilly. We needed a vacation and needed it quickly. The question then became do we take our 16 month old daughter or not? We went back and forth about it. Since we were booking last minute, with travel within 2 weeks of our idea, we weren’t sure my husband’s parents would be available to watch Ella. And I wasn’t sure I wanted to leave her for a few nights. I have been having so much fun with my daughter at this stage. She had just started walking two month before and she was talking up a storm. She was growing up too fast and I didn’t want to miss a thing. My husband wasn’t having the same feelings. While he loves being with our daughter, he felt we both needed a rest and the chance to sleep in, read for hours on the beach and go for nice dinners—and not the early bird special. I too felt I could use a break, but I wasn’t convinced about leaving her. We agreed that if we could get our in-laws on board and our nanny to do some extra hours, we would leave Ella in good hands in New York.

So, with a combination of our amazing nanny and my in-laws, we booked a three night-four day vacation to Bermuda for early May. The first moment I realized it was a good idea to vacation without Ella was when I watched a couple of parents anxiously entertaining and calming their toddlers for the entire flight while I sat back with my kindle and relaxed. Once we arrived at our hotel, I sat on the beach and read for a few hours. When was the last time I was able to do that? My husband and I had drinks outside and we ate a late dinner out. We had no schedule to stick to, no babysitter to rush home to and no responsibility. It felt great.

But I did have my moments of regret. The second morning we were there, the cutest little girl about Ella’s age was running around the beach in her adorable bathing suit and sun hat, having the best time. I started thinking about how much fun Ella would be having right now, playing on the beach. I missed my daughter. But by lunch time, when we were sitting on the lovely outdoor terrace, there was a mom chasing her toddler around the restaurant and I don’t think she even took a bite of her salad. As I ordered another glass of wine, I realized it was ok that I was away for a few days. I spend many days of the year making sure my daughter is fed, clean, getting enough sleep, going to her classes, and happy. It was ok for me to take a few days off from being mommy.

We had a great couple of days away and when the four days were up, I was ready to see my girl. After this trip, I realized that vacations are never going to be as relaxing as they were pre-parenthood: I’ll either be chasing after my daughter or be without and missing her. But I’ll take it vacation by vacation…and make sure we plan for one.

Jess Michaels is the Director of Communications for the American Camp Association, New York and New Jersey. She and her husband live on the Upper East Side with their young daughter.