I had just turned 13 when I came home with this beautiful bracelet from a boy who admired me. When my mother saw it, she freaked out and told me that I had to give it back immediately. She said that she doubted he bought the bracelet and that it was an inappropriate gift for him to be giving me anyway. So much for that little bauble!
As it turned out, he had taken the bracelet from his older sister’s jewelry box because he overheard that she would “never wear it again.” Supposedly, she was fighting with her boyfriend.
There are simpler ways for teens, even for those who don’t have jobs yet, to show their appreciation for peers, coaches, or family members — and these ideas won’t break the bank!
The act of giving
Your teen will likely get more out of the act of “giving” than the person receiving the gift. But not if a parent does the purchasing. Teens need to do the buying themselves, even if funds are running low. After all, it’s the thought that counts; and for many, this adage is oh so true. Some of the most modest gifts I’ve received are those which I cherish the most.
The holidays are a great time for teens to think about giving to their favorite charity as well.
“Small acts of purposeful kindness and giving to charity (not necessarily money, but time) should be part of every teen’s life,” explains Dr. Jodi Stoner, a psychotherapist and co-author of “Good Manners are Contagious” (Spinner Press, 2009). She stresses that giving to others “develops integrity, boosts self-esteem, and adds meaning to children’s lives no matter what age.”
Make it Personal
My daughter took a photograph of an art piece she created for a contest in which she had to express the theme, “Beauty is …” She put the photograph in an inexpensive, magnetic photo frame and printed out the words, “Beauty is … a teacher who cares.”
For that special someone
If your teen is giving something to a “significant other,” be sure that it is appropriate in nature and that her feelings are reciprocated. Explain to your teen that gift giving is over the top for a new crush, but is a nice way to express feelings if a relationship has formed.
Overdoing it with expensive jewelry or electronics is not the answer. Making things by hand or personalizing the gift are great ways to express your affection for someone. Is your teen creative? She might draw a portrait of her boyfriend from a photograph of him participating in his favorite sport or pastime. If your son likes to cook, suggest that he invite his girlfriend to dinner and make the meal himself.
“Sit down with your teens and help them come up with a budget,” suggests Stoner. “This is a great time to talk about what the gift means. Big ticket items are not appropriate — small, meaningful gifts are.”
Stoner also points out that teens should be responsible for the cost. If teens are not working, Stoner believes that gifts should come from their allowance.
“Otherwise, teens tend to lose perspective on the monetary commitment,” she says.
Tips and tales
“Collage is a great gift. All you need are magazines, photos, glue sticks, and a surface to glue everything to. Teens love collage because they are using pop culture images mixed with their likes or a friend’s likes. It’s a great gift for their friend’s bedroom wall.”
Jessica Galkin, Woodstock, NY
“My 15-year-old daughter and her friends bake cookies and give them out at school to their closest friends for their birthdays.”
Deb Ciccone-Yaeger, Saugerties, NY
“Every year, my daughter makes her own Christmas present for her grandmother and aunts. We have a file folder for crafts that catch our attention throughout the year. She chooses one of those crafts to make as gifts.”
Gretchen Burnett, Salt Point, NY
Share your ideas
Upcoming topic:
Your teens are old enough, but can you trust them to stay home alone?
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Myrna Beth Haskell is a feature writer and columnist specializing in parenting issues and children’s development. She is the mother of two teenagers.
