One of my former Executive Editors at New York Family is imminently pregnant with her first child, and I recently asked about her expectations of new motherhood. One thing she shared was a hope that she would be open to the joys and challenges as they unfolded, and not let herself get too caught up in thinking ahead and always trying to have things planned out hours, days, weeks, and months before they happen, as she often does. I’m paraphrasing (or mangling), but you get the idea. She wants to feel like she’s connected to her baby and her husband, and really in the moment, however exhilarated, tired, joyous, or anxious she may be. I pointed out that it sounds like she’s already a more thoughtful parent than I.
It’s so hard to not get caught up in what a parent friend calls “the admin of our lives,” where everything is scheduled and planned, even fun activities. Sometimes, unfairly, I’ll say to my wife: “Can we please not talk about any of it? Can this, whatever this is–Adam’s handwriting; Elena’s plans to go to Brooklyn on Saturday night; whether we should go online right now to fork out the bucks for a rock concert–wait til tomorrow?”
Parents, like children, need our unstructured time in the playground of our amusements and respites. And we both–parents and children–need time like that with each other, at least I think so. At 15 and 11, my children aren’t always so sure. But her baby certainly will be.
Eric Messinger is the editor of New York Family. He can be reached at [email protected]
