When my 18-year-old son, Luke, was three months old, I placed him in the middle of my queen-size bed and he did what babies do, which is nothing. As my husband, Neil, stood there admiring him, I looked on in frustration.
“When’s he going to start doing something?” I wanted to know. “Like, move around?”
Neil assured me, “He will, soon enough.”
Six months later, Luke took his first step and has been on the move ever since. His latest: to the other side of the world inMelbourne, Australia.
Thanks to my sister-in-law, Eve, the joke in our family has always been that when Luke gets married he’ll have to walk down the aisle dragging me along with my arms wrapped around his legs and yelling, “Don’t leave me.” Hence the reason that, when his acceptance to engineering college was sweetened by their offering him a chance to spend his first semester down under, those who love me worried that the aforementioned behavior would happen at the airport.
It didn’t. I was too happy that he had the confidence to take this journey and knew that no amount of distance would diminish our close relationship.
It’s also hard to miss someone you see, albeit on a computer screen, a couple of times a week thanks to Skype. We text, almost every day. Also, the university has a Facebook page for parents of the Aussie program students, where everyone shares (“My kid made dinner for his roommates), commiserates ( “They went out last night go a casino!”–since legal age is 18), and posts photos (“Here’s Luke with a wallaby”). See, he’s not physically here, but he’s always present in some form.
Thank goodness the world is a smaller place than when I was in school, when my keeping in touch while travelling was dependent on snail mail and way too expensive phone calls. Upon my return from trips, my mother would greet me with a hug, while also yelling at me, because she had just gotten the Wish You Were Here postcard the day before I arrived home. Or because I had only called once. Or I hadn’t sent any correspondence to my throngs of relatives.
Modern technology has taken the drama and angst out of Luke’s going out into the world. He can live his life without guilt or anxiety that when he does talk to me, there’ll be no, “Do you know how long it’s been?” admonishments. It has also helped lower the neurotic bar for the letting go-challenged parents such as myself.
As far as what will happen when Luke leaves me for another woman on the altar, that’s a whole other story.
Lorraine Duffy Merkl is the author of the new opting-in novel, BACK TO WORK SHE GOES. For more of her writing go to lorraineduffymerkl.com
