Gift giving is an expression of love and generosity. It’s also a great way for families to share the holidays. However, it can be a time of unwanted gifts and disappointments. For parents and grandparents the challenge is finding the perfect gift that is appreciated—and approved—by everyone.
With traditional gift-giving, there are many tales of disapproval and dismay. A grandmother was admonished for giving her granddaughter Barbie dolls and accessories, which resulted in hurt and humiliation. There are those gifts that project their giver’s tastes. One mother races to dress her kids in clothing she dislikes when visited by that imposing relative who gifted them.
One businesswoman confessed to the challenge of carving out shopping time, as well as her fear of duplicating gifts. Her inevitable last-minute shopping frenzy causes annual attacks of pressure. Another gift-giver polls her grand-kids, makes lists, begins her hunt in October, but ironically is never sure what to buy or suggest for her partner.
One grandmother has no energy for searching by foot and choosing the right gift. Instead she opts for an impersonal monetary present. Another New York grandmother confessed to “going crazy” searching for the perfect presents at the eleventh hour, as her kids leave gift selections to her discretion. “Gift giving is stressful to me,” she explained.
One mother surveyed prefers to buy her children gifts that will teach and inspire them. Instead of trying to reinvent the wheel, she simply takes notes as to what educational gifts her friends’ children have found engaging before choosing her boys’ holiday surprises. She concedes: “I guess sometimes the recipients get unwanted gifts… and they may be upset if they don’t get what they want. Even a 6-year-old has a very clear idea as to what he wants, thanks to all the marketing.”
There’s no reason that the season of giving can’t be fun, but also foolproof. If brides, grooms, and moms- and dads-to-be can create a gift registry, why can’t we do so as well for the holidays and avoid guessing games?
With a simple registry, the days of giving and receiving unwanted gifts and schlepping around with returns can be over. Store credits and gift cards are risky-to-lose. Even worse, receiving gifts with no marked origin or receipt can make a discreet exchange nearly impossible. The holidays are stressful enough. Instead, think how convenient it would be to order presents for loved ones online and have the items delivered to your doorstep. After speaking to parents and grandparents, the holiday registry system has a proven potential for success.
So how does the registry work? In my family, we simply create a wish list email with everyone relevant copied. Some get a little fancier with a spreadsheet. Ideally, a registrant lists gift options for every budget, making the gift-giving inclusive and user-friendly to everyone. Some family members add links to specific selections; others may offer details in writing. Once a gift is claimed, the buyer notifies the circle of relatives – minus the one who signed up for the item. There are sites such as myregistry.com which makes the process even easier, allowing you to add gifts from any website on to one universal registry.
Remember, creating a wish list takes thought and time. Adding a deadline for everyone to submit their list of wants can add efficiency to the process.
Refuseniks to new ideas might mock this method of giving and receiving as too scripted, and I’m not saying this idea is for everyone. There is something about the element of surprise that some people cherish. As with bridal and baby showers, the gifts may be opened at your family’s holiday gathering. There’s something entertaining about going around watching each person give and others unwrap their goodies.
My suggestion for a holiday gift registry was written from experience. It’s a tradition enjoyed by my family members of every age. This tip is being passed along to you with my best wishes for a happy and stress-free giving and receiving season.
What ideas has your family used to make gift giving easier? I’d love to hear from you. Please contact me at [email protected].
Wendy Kantor is a Real Estate Agent with Citi Habitats and a proud mother and grandmother. She serves her clients by buying, selling, renting, investing, and introducing the best of each neighborhood and this great city. She is the author of the “Grandmommy in the City” newsletter, founder of the “ Ladies in Business Networking” group, and sits on the board of several New York cultural institutions.
