I was catching up with a parent friend about the beginning of the school year, and she mentioned, with percolating delight, how all three of her kids were now at the same school—which has made her mornings about 9,000 times less stressful than they were last year. Listening to her, I realized that I may have achieved an even higher level of convenience-based parental nirvana. My kids, now 15 and 11, don’t go to same school, but even better, they go to school by themselves. I still have some value: Preparing breakfast and lunch and making sure they’re out the door at a time that keeps them on track to arrive at school on time. But then my mornings are feeling much more leisurely than they used to. More time to walk the dog. More time for a snatch of reading. More time to get to work.
The spirit of independence seems to be infusing their school work as well. My daughter, the 15-year-old, is producing a play at school, and my son, in his first year of middle school, just recently asked my wife and me not to check his homework anymore, especially his writing. I’m pretty sure this is partly a ploy to avoid feeling like he should do more revising. But maybe it’ll backfire on him: Maybe by acting more independent he will actually become more independent.
Lately, I’m finding myself thinking more about how to be a parent than I think I have in a few years. I believe it’s because my children’s core personalities are more clearly coming into focus as they get older—and I’m searching myself to better distinguish between my impulses to try to improve on what’s there and to just love what’s there. The homework question may be a part of this.
But part of my mood may be just that it’s fall, a time when we often re-dedicate ourselves to our most serious pursuits. Hopefully, this issue will offer you a few good nuggets of fun and insight to parent with.
Happy October!
Eric Messinger
