High school seniors can’t help but feel defined by the universities or colleges we apply to. And our aspirations are as fragile as glass castles, teetering on the brink of our wavering destiny. All it takes is one click of a mouse and those dreaded words, “We are sorry, but we are unable to offer you a place in our class” to shatter those delicate hopes.
Yet, the broken shards of our confidence and pride can be picked up. All wounds can and will heal with time. Knowing how to deal with college rejections may actually be the path to eventual success.
The college application process grows more competitive every year. From my own experiences, it seems like everyone has a good SAT score, a remarkable grade point average, an amalgamation of extracurricular activities, and lots of ambition. Regardless of what college accepts you, no matter how satisfied or unsatisfied you are with the results, getting a rejection or at least a wait list (if you are luckier) is inevitable. Know that you aren’t alone.
I have had my share of both college rejections and wait lists. Both results were equally painful to take. Rejections made me question my self-worth and shook my confidence. Wait lists, on the other hand, left me lost in a purgatory of uncertainty. Either way, I was disappointed in myself, trying desperately to understand why I was rejected or wait listed. Why didn’t I stand out? Why didn’t this college want me? Why do I have to wait again? Wasn’t three months of waiting enough? What can I do about it?
Nevertheless, once the initial shock died down, I came to see this experience in a new light. The college application process can be cruel for students who are merely 17 and 18 years old. As teens, we want all the answers — or at least just a reason why. We also yearn to change our situation. We have been taught our entire lives that our fate is not written for us. We make our destiny and choose our own lives.
Unfortunately, the application process goes against all we want to believe in. A simple, generic rejection letter doesn’t leave us with a plausible, specific reason, other than “we received many applications.” Decisions are final. Nothing we do can change a rejection. Hence, we have to stop asking why, and come to accept the decision. There is no point to search for answers or speculate, for we will never learn the real reason behind the decision.
College decisions definitely took a toll on my self-esteem. For me, the hardest part was feeling like I deserved better and that I was misunderstood by colleges. It was easy to feel victimized. Nevertheless, slowly, I have recovered. I am still the same person and I am not defined by what college I go to. If someone gets into a better college than me, it doesn’t absolutely mean I am any worse than that person. (I’ll admit that sometimes it feels like it does.) I could just be unlucky, or I might not fill the niche that college was looking for, but I may be no worse than the person that does.
In life, we are defined by our personality, our own ability, and our will to carry on in times of hardship. If we can look past the obvious (like our career choices, what college we go to, how much money we make, etc.) and realize our own self-worth, we will emerge stronger than ever. Then, when life throws us more curveballs, we can hit them out of the park with pride.
We need to be positive. I am proud of my achievements and I am excited to go to college in the fall. However, I cannot lie to myself and say that I am 100 percent happy with my college results. Still, I can choose to be optimistic. Instead of fretting over what you don’t have, what should have happened, what you wish could be, you should be happy with what you have. Be grateful for your acceptances. These are the schools that realize your potential.
Just remember, there is always someone who has it worse than you. Even though I wish and pray that my wait list schools might give me a call in June, currently, I’m focusing on the schools that appreciate me. I am thankful for some amazing scholarships these schools have offered me and fortunate enough to have some great options.
And life doesn’t end here. Although college may seem like our future, we are still teens with a lot ahead of us. You can still change your future. Do not fall prey to “senioritis.” Keep working hard in preparation for college. I believe that everything happens for a reason, whether it is to point us in a new direction or to make us stronger. We can’t control every single thing in life, but there is plenty that we can. If we take advantage of those that we can alter, we can still make our destiny our own. College is undoubtedly a huge part of our future, but it isn’t our whole life.
Aglaia Ho is a 17-year-old student from Queens who enjoys writing. Her work has been published in Creative Kids, Skipping Stones, Daily News-Children’s Pressline, and The State of the Wild.
