When my son turned one last week, it was a huge day. Not just for him, but for my husband and I. We had gotten through our first year as parents, and I seriously felt like I deserved an award. Maybe an exotic vacation somewhere? Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom and this past year has been amazing in many ways. But it was also the most challenging of my life–largely because being a parent is hard work! That night after my son went to bed, when I was done obsessing about whether he would sleep okay after eating his first piece of birthday cake, I thought about everything I’ve learned so far about parenthood. Here are my top 5 lessons from the first year.
Accept that every day is different. If there is one overarching theme from my first year as a parent, it’s that there’s not much you can control. Just when you think you have your baby on a nap schedule, he stops napping altogether. Just when he gets over a cold that was making him extremely fussy, he starts teething and is fussier than ever. Just when you figure out he loves bananas, he rejects them the very next week. Until recently these changes always flustered me–I felt like I could never find my rhythm as a parent. Then I just decided to just stop caring and instead focus on the big picture–was he happy and healthy? Yes. Learning to take take each day as it comes has made parenthood so much easier.
Take advantage of your infant’s immobile state–crawling and walking changes everything! Now that my son is toddling, I can’t believe there was a time when he could actually stay happily in one place–and that I didn’t take advantage of
it more often. At one or two months old, he was mesmerized by his mobile and could lay in his crib staring up at it for half an hour or more. Did I let him? Not usually–after 5 minutes I felt that I was ignoring him and snatched him up for some “bonding time.” Looking back, I now realize how foolish this was. I was him all day long, interacting. I should have taken advantage of what little time I might have had to myself and taken
a shower, sent some e-mails, or made myself a snack. Now I can barely go to the bathroom without him!
Don’t fret about what you’re feeling during those first 6 to 8 weeks. The
first few weeks of motherhood are an emotional circus thanks to hormones and sleep deprivation. Try to appreciate when you’re feeling joyful–but don’t let negative feelings get the best of you. Now’s not the time to worry about where your career is going, or how you’re going to make new mom friends, or, if you’re planning on staying at home, what
exactly you’re going to do all day (which I had a breakdown about). You’ll figure it all out. Instead, use this time to focus on the baby, your own health, and getting some rest!
Try not to obsess over baby milestones. I’ve seen plenty of parents get anxious about when their child would roll over, get his first tooth, start talking, etc. Unless there is an actual problem you’ve discussed with your child’s doctor, there is nothing to worry about. Each baby develops at his or her own pace. Some kids don’t get their first tooth until after they’re over a year old. Other kids may be the last to crawl, but the first to walk. There are babies who take to finger foods right away and those who stay on purees for what seems like forever. Just remember they’ll all be functioning adults one day–in the meantime, relax and enjoy their little baby selves!
This too shall pass. This was advice many people gave me pre-parenthood but which I never fully understood until I was a parent. There are so many wacky stages babies go through that drive you crazy. Like when they seem to spit up all the milk they drink. Or when they don’t want to be swaddled but are unable to sleep with their arms dangling free. Or when they’re teething and nothing will calm them down except walking around the neighborhood in circles. When you’re in the midst of one of these developmental bumps, you think it will never end. But it always does–and then there’s another new challenge waiting just around the corner. If you remember that “this too shall pass,” it makes whatever you’re experiencing feel like what it is–just a phase.
