Described as the “anti-helicopter parent,” NYC mom-of-two (her sons are 16 and 18) Lenore Skenazy has long been on a mission to give kids the opportunity to experience life’s challenges for themselves. She states her purposely clearly and confidently on her blog and book (published in 2010), both called Free Range Kids—and initially drew a lot of attention for a post she wrote in 2008 about letting her then-9-year-old ride the subway alone. Since then, she’s been an advocate raising self-reliant kids and works as an expert voice (as a speaker and writer) in the parenting realm.
And her most recent project? This season—starting tonight, January 22—she’s hosting a new Discovery Life television show called “World’s Worst Mom” (a moniker that tongue-in-cheek refers to Skenazy’s seemingly laid-back philosophy). The premise is a classic expert-based reality TV formula (think: “What Not to Wear,” “Extreme Home Makeover,” or “Super Nanny”) except that Skenazy doesn’t aim to preach or shock–instead, she methodically and sensitively guides anxious, nervous parents into taking a step back and letting their capable, curious kids out into the world to tackle challenges (like using a kitchen knife and riding the bus alone) and gain independence. According to Skenazy, in 12 of the 13 families she worked with, the parents were thrilled and proud of the results!
We caught up with Skenazy on the eve of her television debut to discuss her parenting outlook, what’s in store for the new show, and her favorite baby shower gift!
For any of our readers unfamiliar with your book (Free Range Kids), website, and philosophy, tell us about your mission and viewpoint.
Free Range Kids is dedicated to one thing only and that is the notion that our children are not in constant danger…from creeps, from kidnapping, from germs, from overnights, from men, from disappointment. They can handle so much more than we think, and we’re living in much safer times than we’ve been led to believe.
How did your new TV project—“World’s Worst Mom”—come about? How did you partner with Discovery Life?
I picked up my phone one day and it’s a television producer saying: “Is this Lenore? Would you like to try out for this TV show? We’re going to send a cameraman to your house next week.” It was strange! The whole thing… There are some things that I made happen in my life and there’s a bunch that I didn’t, and in terms of being offered a television show, that wasn’t me, that was them.
So had Discovery Life read your work and built a show around you, or did they have a concept that matched your philosophy and then found you as a good fit for it?
The latter—they had an idea and I think people at the production company were saying: “Isn’t there something strange about how so many people are so worried about their kids?” And then I’m sure they all swapped examples or something and said: “We should do a show about this! Who should we get?” And then they Googled, and I’m extremely easy to find, so they found me.
What can viewers expect from the show? How does the focus compare and contrast with your writing and past work?
What you can expect to see are some extremely anxious parents—generally moms—but the “World’s Worst Mom” refers to me, not them. What I didn’t know I would see—when I started this project—is that [there was] an astounding change in 12 out of the 13 families. These are parents that are so worried that they won’t let their kids play on the front lawn, they won’t let them ride a bike, one mom won’t let her son cut his own food and he’s 10, one mom takes her 13-year-old-son into the ladies’ room with her… Another mom gets her son a skateboard because he wanted it, but only lets him stand on it on the grass—which I can almost understand. I would be in that category, I am a nervous mom but I bow to reality and to the fact that I have to raise [my kids]. I understand the nervousness and people think that I’m this daredevil mom, which is so far from the case. You can ask my kids—so far from the case! We believe in helmets and car seats and seat belts and wrist guards when they snowboard. If you invite me to a baby shower, the gift I’ll bring is a fire extinguisher…I did that long before Free Range Kids. That’s what I’m saying: The only way I’m different than these nervous moms is that…I want my kids to be part of the world even though it’s sometimes nerve-wracking.
What was your favorite part of shooting the show? What was the biggest challenge?
My favorite part was the end [of each episode]. When I come to the families, they’re not really universally delighted to see me, because often it’s been at the husband’s urging and the reason the mom agreed was because she felt so tense… At the beginning it is tense and people think I’m coming to judge their parenting, which I’m not. I’m there to show them what their kids are capable of—and once they see that, they’re thrilled that their kids can get things done and are growing up, and they’re very proud. But until they see that, they think I’m this bitch from New York who’s going to teach them a lesson. And that feels terrible. When they realize “this is my son and he’s growing up,” or “look at my lovely young lady,” instead of “crawl into bed with mommy, it’s going to be okay”—which is how a lot of them were at the beginning—they’re happier and they look better and they can’t remember when they were so nervous because it’s all gone. It feels like the parents look lighter. The women look better, it’s visible!
Did you find it was mostly moms who were the very anxious ones?
There were some fathers. Though I didn’t find any fathers who were more nervous than the mothers—I mean, I have in real life, but not on the show. There were some [families] where both parts of the couple who were over-protective but when it was just one parent, it was usually the mom.
How were the families selected for the show?
That was the production company. They put out word every which way and they screened 2,000 families to find these 13. What they were looking for was families who were anxious enough to be interesting and yet willing to have me and the camera crew come hang out with them for a week.
It must have been an interesting mix.
It was! When I think about who this series should be dedicated to, it’s not me! The casting and the editing people were just amazing!
If you had to pick a top takeaway you’d want viewers to get from watching, what would it be?
It feels great when you see how much your kid can do once you let them. That was totally what it was. Like the mom who wouldn’t let her son ride a bike—that’s the first episode, he was 10-years-old and didn’t know how to ride a bike because she thought he’d get hurt or be frustrated or both—for our second challenge with this young man, I said: “I’m giving you a bike!” And he did fall a little, but it wasn’t terrible. When we were done, we all came back to the house, and the mom burst into the house where her mother was and said: “Guess what mom? Sam can ride a bike!” And her mother, who was Russian, said: “What?! Our Sammy can ride a bike?!” And they were so thrilled and proud—proud of themselves for raising a wonderful young man and proud of the young man for being brave and learning something new. This was the first family I worked with—I’d never done this before in my life—but I was shocked, over and over again. Parents who thought that their job was just to protect their kids and think of them as vulnerable and as babies, are as happy, if not more happy, to realize: “Wait, no, my job is to raise this kid and look who I’ve got! Look at this kid, he’s riding a bike and going on an overnight and turning into a young man!” That broke the fear. It’s not me—I’m not saying I can change anybody, because I can’t, but your kids can change!
“World’s Worst Mom” premieres on Discovery Life on January 22, 2015, at 9pm.
To read more from Lenore Skenazy, visit freerangekids.com!
