By Elizabeth Perelstein, President of School Choice International
Consider your happy and well-adjusted child who becomes sullen,
stops sleeping and eating well, and does not want to go to school. When you ask
her what is wrong, she bursts into tears.
There may be multiple explanations for a sudden behavioral change
like this one. A child may be struggling with social issues on the playground.
To a child a loss—of a pet, a nanny, or an older sibling going off to boarding
school—can trigger a behavioral change, but may not be recognizable as a source
to you. Academic factors can cause a behavioral change, whether it’s a learning
disability that has not yet been diagnosed or giftedness which makes it hard
for a child to sit through a class that he finds boring.
It is important to be attentive to your child, but overreacting
isn’t necessary or even helpful. Unless your child is in crisis, start with
small steps, changing one aspect of your child’s environment at a time,
observing closely to see if a particular change makes a difference.
At Home
Watch,
listen and use the moments when your child may be open to suggestions to give
constructive advice—whether academic or social. Driving in a car with your child
is a great time for unguarded conversation, as she doesn’t need to meet your
eyes. If driving is not a part of your lifestyle, try to create opportunities
to share ideas with your child in a setting where he will be less defensive.
At times
just a sympathetic adult who is not a parent can make a major difference. Reach
out to any adults your child has a relationship with—such as a sports coach or
piano teacher—during difficult times.
If you can
identify a specific subject that causes your child difficulty or stress,
perhaps an outside tutor can give him the skills and confidence he needs to get
back on track. But if your child needs to be tutored every day or in a large
number of subjects, perhaps you should be looking at some of the more
comprehensive solutions described below.
At School
Ask your
child’s teacher whether he is seeing the same behavior in class as you are
observing at home. While you don’t want to create unnecessary alarm at school,
things may get better if parents and teachers are working together to resolve
an issue.
Work with
the teacher to create the best environment possible for your child. For
example, you may want to change your child’s seat to be closer to the blackboard,
separate him from particular students or ask the teacher to present material in
a different way. Be sure to reinforce any interventions attempted in the
classroom at home. Small changes can be helpful.
If a teacher
is unresponsive it is appropriate to speak with others in the school
community—a counselor or a principal—to get the help you need.
Consult A Specialist
If you are
concerned about a learning disability, it would be wise to talk to the school
psychologist or your child’s counselor or family physician, and follow up on
leads they provide. They may suggest a psycho-educational evaluation. This
testing is a way to get an understanding of your child’s current abilities.
For children
with more severe difficulties, for example, a child on the autistic spectrum,
you will likely become involved with an entire team of professionals in school
as well as outside.
Consider
Changing Schools
A school
that is too large and impersonal will not be ideal for a child who needs
greater attention or direction. Alternatively, a child in a small private
school lacking specialist staff may be better served by a public school system
with appropriately trained personnel and resources. Consider both public and
private options.
Try to
assess schools keeping in mind the needs of your particular child and avoid
preconceived notions. You may find an educational consultant very helpful to
you in identifying, applying to, and weighing the pros and cons of alternative
schools.
It is important to be aware of the fact that many changes that parents see are
purely developmental and pass without any intervention. There are times that a
minor intervention may be indicated, or times when a parent needs to look
further to begin a process of diagnosis and intervention. Typically the best
strategy is to take action without overreacting. Both you and your child will
feel better simply knowing you have begun to address the problem. Whether the
problem is small or large, you will begin the process the same way. Talking to
one professional will lead you to the next referral until you have embarked on
a course of action that will lead to a solution.
