This year, I had
the great honor of serving as one of the 30 judges for Books for a Better Life–an awards program established to honor works in the self-help, motivational, self-improvement, and advice categories. The books in each of the ten categories have
changed the lives of millions of readers, and their authors have become major forces in
American culture. My task was to review four books in the childcare/parenting category: Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother by Xinran, The Whole-Brain Child
by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., 10 Mindful Minutes by Goldie Hawn, and Battle Hymn of
the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua. As I am
currently preparing to play the role of Mom, I enthusiastically accepted
the position and was eager to read these books that were already at the top of
my list. —
I began with the controversial Battle Hymn of the Tiger
Mother. I’d made some earlier commentary on this
book on my socialsklz:-) social media outlets when it initially came out, and
received my very first anonymous “hate” email from a self-proclaimed tiger
mom. At the same time, I was reading another book that many socialsklz:-) parents have suggested to me: The Blessing
of A Skinned Knee by Wendy Mogel, Ph.D. They are two diametrically opposed books on parenting and I found myself
utterly confused after reading such contradictory expert advice.
I began thinking: Where along the spectrum should my parenting style fall? What kind of parent should I be? There were aspects of both books that I found
compelling and convincing, yet other themes that I found outlandish. However, as I read, I did find one common theme: each of the books, in its own unique way,
professes that children must be taught many of the essential life skills that I
spend my days teaching, not as a parent, but as an instructor at socialsklz:-)
…
Honor parents
and adults.
Have
self-confidence and believe in yourself.
Have a good work
ethic.
Be prepared for
the future with skills that will help to socially and emotionally navigate
life.
The authors of
these two books are both highly respected in their careers and are mothers with well-adjusted and successful children. While I pondered
the very different parenting styles set forth in each book, I realized that the
underlying question in my mind as I look to the future as a parent is: What is success? Is it attending Harvard University? Is it becoming a doctor? Is it
being emotionally sound and getting along with others? I realized that I, like every other parent,
must create my own definition of success.
So I decided,
true success for my daughter will stem from defining characteristics of who she
will be—being a good person and a caring and empathetic human being, and
letting her find what defines her own happiness. And now, I realize that being
a successful parent will come from instilling in her the basic life skills that my
parents taught me. With these ideas as my foundation, I have no doubt that I will find
success as a parent. I’ll let you all know how it goes.
socialsklz:-) has locations on the Upper East Side, Upper West Side, Tribeca and Brooklyn. For more information, visit
socialsklz.com.
