Do you remember that feeling you experienced on the afternoon of the last day of school? I fondly recall one particular “last day” in more detail than others. The junior high bus was filled with ecstatic kids shouting the lyrics to Alice Cooper’s song, “School’s Out.” We didn’t mind that the music coming from the portable, eight-track tape player was garbled. The sun was shining and the school year was over — a glorious moment for an adolescent!
The last day of school provides teens with a sense of freedom that’s intoxicating. They look forward to hanging out with friends and flexible curfews. However, parents should think about their expectations for the summer months, particularly because many teens will be spending more hours unsupervised, which is often a catalyst for mischief.
Too much free time
Free time is wonderful when it breeds creativity and gives teens time to do things that they don’t have time for during the hectic school year, such as reading for pleasure or exploring a new hobby. However, free time can also mean finding trouble.
“Many teens aren’t mature enough to organize their time wisely,” says Ilene Val-Essen, PhD, author of “Bring Out the Best in Your Child and Your Self: Creating a Family Based on Mutual Respect. “As their brains go through a great transformation of growth and refinement, they often respond by acting impulsively and seeking thrills through risk-taking,”
Teens should be granted some freedoms in order to become independent adults; however, parents should still keep tabs on them. If your teen offers, “I’m going to Sue’s house,” without specifying what she and Sue will be doing, or the time at which she will return home, be sure to ask.
Is your teen hanging out regularly with nothing to do? Brainstorm with her to find constructive alternatives.
“Parents and teens should work together to develop a plan for the summer, and teens should take the lead in developing it,” Val-Essen suggests. “This will help teens think about their goals.”
She says family time should be an essential part of the plan.
“Teens have a powerful need for attachment,” says Val-Essen. “When parents are less available, they attach powerfully to friends, and this dependence may lead them into harm’s way.”
Safety hazards
During the summer, teens spend more time behind the wheel, stay out later at night, and attempt risky outdoor adventures, such as swimming in unsupervised locations or hiking where warning signs are posted.
Therefore, it’s necessary that parents communicate their expectations, particularly regarding their teen’s driving. Studies conducted by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration show that the period between Memorial Day and Labor Day is the deadliest for drivers ages 15 to 20. Many experts say summer’s higher fatality rate is due to teens having more free time, less supervision, and relaxed curfews.
Driving is not the only potential hazard. Summer activities, such as skateboarding and riding ATVs, also have inherent risks. Working at a retail mall until closing can be dangerous, too. Predators look for teens leaving stores alone at night. Parents should always discuss potential risks because teens don’t always think ahead.
Solutions
A relationship with your teen built on respect and shared decision-making is ideal.
“When teens respect their parents and care about what they think of them, they’re in a far better position to stay true to their own core values — even when facing peer pressure,” reminds Val-Essen.
Some wise advice:
• Develop a summer schedule with your teen.
• Ask your teen to sign a “safe driver contract.”
• Check in frequently if your teen is alone for long periods.
• Schedule teen-friendly family outings.
• Get to know your teen’s friends.
Tips and tales
“Number 1 Rule: No texting and driving!”
Carole Aumand-Stopczynski, Kingston, NY
“If you’re worried, just say, ‘No. You can’t go.’”
Arlene M. Boulware, Poughkeepsie, NY
Share your ideas
Upcoming topic: Teens lie…some more than others. How should parents handle this?
Please send your full name, address, and brief comments to myrnahaskell@gmail.com, or visit www.myrnahaskell.com.
Myrna Beth Haskell is a feature writer and columnist specializing in parenting issues and child and adolescent development. She is the mother of two teenagers.
