The Oracle has finally spoken. There’s no benefit in pushing your toddler toward early toilet training. In fact, the earlier you start, the longer it can take. A study in Pediatrics, published by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), found that children younger than 27 months when starting intensive training (asking the child to use the potty more than three times per day) took an average of 10-14.5 months to attain daytime completion. Children who began intensive training after 27 months achieved daytime dryness on average between 5 and 9.5 months. “Though we did not find more toilet training problems in the younger children, we found no clear benefit to beginning training earlier than 27 months,” said Nathan Blum, M.D., lead author of the study, which was conducted out of the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia.
It’s Not About You! While it’s tempting to discard the diapers you’ve been schlepping all over town and to be able to boast “Success!” at parent group, the experts are reiterating the kind of advice Dr. T. Berry Brazelton first started doling out 40 years ago: Let your child set his/her own pace. Many parents view a child’s second birthday as the chronological signal to pull out the Pull-Ups and pack up the diapers. Some children are ready to begin toilet training at 24 months; however, many others require more time to develop the interest, as well as the bowel and bladder control necessary for success. Says Dr. Blum: “Despite the widespread acceptance of a child-oriented approach to toilet training, many parents have difficulty judging when their child is ready for training.” Potty training is a developmental milestone, requiring both physical and emotional readiness; the proper timing and methods may be completely ineffective for one child and often stressful for another, even among siblings. Alison Ashwell’s daughter began using the potty at 18 months and completed daytime training at 2 years. Alison’s son was different. “He showed great interest at about 18 months, and was potty trained — apart from accidents where he wasn’t able to remove his clothes in time. When we moved, he stopped using the potty and it was a long time before he was ready to use it again.” Stress takes a toll on children. Those who are experiencing change in their lives — such as a new sibling, a move, starting school, divorce — may regress in toilet training. Allowing a break and resuming when the child is more comfortable frequently results in greater interest in and openness to the toileting process.
Signs of the Times? How can you tell when your child is ready to begin toilet training? Ann Douglas, author of The Mother of All Baby Books: The Ultimate Guide to Your Baby’s First Year, advises parents to “look for signs of both physical and emotional readiness.”
Signs of Emotional Readiness: —Shows interest in the potty —Understands purpose/how to use toilet —Willing to sit on the potty —Desires to please parents —Communicates need to go by sign or speech —Imitates parental behavior —Asserts independence (saying “no”) —Is willing to put things where they belong Signs of Physical Readiness: —Knows when diaper is wet/soiled —Dislikes feel of wet/soiled diaper —Recognizes urge to potty —Is dry for several hours at a stretch —Is capable of emptying bladder —Is capable of sphincter control —Pulls down own underwear —Climbs on/off potty by self
If your child shows several signs of readiness, it is probably a good time to give toilet training a dry run. Take your time and let your child lead the way. Daytime training completion may take anywhere from one week to longer than a year, with nighttime dryness usually occurring much later. Jane Mouttet’s youngest child completed daytime training in one month. She and her husband decided to wait until he was 3 years old to begin training — after potty struggles with their two older children. “He basically trained himself with a little guidance from us,” Jane says. “He was definitely the easiest to train.”
The Child-Oriented Approach The experts point out that children can really only control their eating, sleeping, and toileting. Encouraging your child to decide when he is ready removes power struggles and avoids turning potty training into a battle of wills. Children respond to praise. Congratulate your pottying child and celebrate each success. Talk over the process; this helps minimize fears and creates a shame-free zone for the child to understand that everyone has accidents and that using the toilet is a natural part of growing up. Many parents opt for a reward system — whether it be a sticker chart, small toys, or a special video viewing. Ann Douglas suggests steering clear of candy incentives, which create habits that may later prove hard to break. Parents should never punish or reprimand children for behavior related to potty training; this can result in serious problems such as urine/stool withholding, fear of toileting and chronic bedwetting.
And To All A Good Night Nighttime training presents its own set of challenges, but again, your child should set the pace. Allow her confidence in daytime dryness to grow; before you know it, she will be requesting to sleep without diapers.
Some indicators that a child may be ready for nighttime toileting: —Is diaper-free during the day with few or no accidents —Expresses interest in wearing underpants at night —His/her diaper stays dry overnight three nights in a row —Wakes at night with the need to go to the bathroom Dr. William Sears advocates a method to build nighttime confidence through fewer accidents: Wake your child one hour after bedtime to use the toilet. Have him cough after urinating in order to completely empty his bladder. Some parents modify this approach by waking the child again before going to bed themselves.
Bidding Diapers Bye-Bye Above all, remember to relax and let your child be your guide. Respect the child’s fears and concerns. If she is afraid of falling into the toilet, use a toilet seat insert or a potty chair. If flushing sounds bother her, flush for her. Become accustomed to visiting every public restroom in your hometown; many children want to view and visit potties everywhere. Other children find toileting an intensely private matter and will only use the potty at home and resent coaching and questions. With the exception of children suffering from certain medical conditions or developmental delays/disabilities, children learn to use the potty by the time they start kindergarten (nobody will be sending their child off to college in diapers). The American Academy of Pediatrics assures parents that nighttime enuresis is normal. And that most children will be dry overnight after age five.
