Patience is a virtue!”
I would like to disagree; patience is a behavior. You might have noticed that children do not have a high level of patience, and you would be correct. You can help them improve this skill, however, with the right kind of practice.
When children do not get their way, they often react with problem behavior, which can include everything from being sassy, to screaming, to hitting. You definitely do not want your children entering the world thinking that this kind of behavior is acceptable. Of course you know this, but it is worth repeating to emphasize the importance of dealing with this tendency early so that it makes your life easier later. Kids want what they want right now, but in the long term, giving in to their every whim will not serve their development.
Begin by observing what happens before your small being gets upset about hearing “no.” Last night your small being asked for an extra book at bedtime. What did you say? How did she react? What was your response to her behavior?
You want to start replacing your words with action. For example, your small being screams because she wants a book. You react by giving in. She has thus learned that yelling gets her what she wants.
Do not reason with a child who is upset, frustrated, or angry. Expect these emotions from your small being and stop yourself from responding. Instead, say to your small one, “I will help you when you are quiet” or “I will talk to you again once you sit down.”
Make sure that your actions match your words. If you said you would read the extra book tomorrow, then do not read that book tonight. If you said that it was time to clean up Lego pieces, walk over and start working to clean up the toys. Put your words into action.
It may be helpful to narrate your actions, but be careful about starting to explain why that is the right course of action. A lack of understanding is rarely a reason for a small being to act out.
Being consistent is key! When you match your words and your actions on a regular basis, your small being will know that what you say is what will happen. Your patience in the process will teach them about patience.
Dr. Marcie Beigel is a behavior specialist based in Brooklyn. She has worked with thousands of families for more than 20 years and she has been a guest expert on WCBS and Fox. Her book “Love Your Classroom Again” was a No. 1 bestseller. Find out more at DrMar
