I was flying back to New York this past week and ended up seated behind a family whose parents unfortunately had fully lost control of their kids (I’m sure we’ve all experienced similar situations before!). As I watched these parents try to communicate to their 4-year-old daughter with reason and empathy (they had big hearts) to stop the screaming, the child went further into hysteria and eventually the parents just gave up! Passengers quickly got out their headphones to drown out the screaming for the one-hour flight. And as I was sitting there, thinking about how each passenger was feeling (including the parents and their children!), I realized that if the parents had just a little more information about their child’s developmental abilities they would likely have gained a different response. Yes, small children need empathy, but they also really need firmness! That age doesn’t tend to respond well to reason alone. Empathy without a firm approach means a child will walk all over her parents. But the opposite is also dangerous — if parents are too firm without empathy, a child will often shut down and cut-off from her parents. It truly comes down to striking the right balance between being firm and empathetic that I find makes the difference for effective communication in conflict; not just with kids but also with students, clients, and employees.
This month I promised you some tips on how to communicate effectively to each generation, and one of the biggest keys to doing this is to truly understand where your audience is coming from! As I’ve already shared with you as part of this series, each generation is unique and values different things in their communication. So if we know what they need, it becomes much simpler to connect to them. It’s like getting the answers to an exam in advance — it’s not that hard as long as we are open to learning! If you missed “Engage and motivate all generations at home and work,” email my assistant, kay@d
Let’s be honest — communication seems easy in theory until people start practicing it, and only then do they realize how many ways it can go sideways! As I’ve said many times before, the secret to motivating, engaging, and now communicating effectively to all generations is to understand your audience! So whether you have a 16-year old son (Gen Z), 25-year-old employee (Gen Y), or a 61-year-old boss (Boomer), these simple tips will help you focus on what is truly the most effective way to reach them!
Communication tips to reach Gens Y and Z
I’ve talked about the importance of speed for both of these generations, this includes everything from technology to talking fast and making what you are communicating relevant! If you want to communicate more effectively to Generations Y and Z, here are some other tips that will connect to their values!
Explain why in advance
Remember that this generation is constantly asking why. Why should they make their bed? It will just get messy again tonight. Why is it a big deal if they are late? Why should they ask for help? Why should they get a mentor? Why should they go to university or college if they just want to start their own business? A great speaker, teacher, and parent knows what her audience is thinking and answering the “whys” before he even asks.
Give feedback ALL THE TIME!
Traditional performance reviews do not work for this generation (if you haven’t already figured that out, you will soon enough). Performance reviews are very outdated for a generation that wants and needs feedback constantly! For organizations, try using more updated technology programs with groups like Salesforce. For parents, make feedback a daily habit (I’m not kidding), letting each other know what you liked, and what you didn’t! Keep it light, but try to make it part of your everyday family and work culture.
Be affirming and firm
This generation is used to hearing a lot of praise. Don’t give fake praise (they are very intuitive and will pick it out quickly). But when you see them doing something well, tell them! They will be more motivated to listen when they know first what they are doing well! But as I shared at the beginning, you’ll need to be firm as well around certain policies! If you need this generation to be on time, tell them (firm) but communicate it with a lot of praise (affirming) and you’ll find they listen better! And for anyone who thinks that praise is a waste of time (see, I’m thinking about my audience), yes, it will take time, but it will actually save you time since they will actually listen more to you, and you will find yourself repeating yourself less!
Communication tips to reach Gen X
Gen-Xers love independence, it truly is one of their highest values. These tips highlight ways to communicate effectively with them by recognizing this!
Don’t be needy
If you have a Gen X parent, employer, employee, teacher, or colleague, understand that he wants to see you be independent! They are used to giving out jobs and expecting that it will be done. They won’t tend to do regular check-ups (that’s not their style) and they can’t stand micro-managing. Try your very best, and if you need help, ask for it — but first try to do it on your own!
Ask, don’t tell
If you need something from a Gen X, ask, don’t tell him! Listen to the difference: “Mom can I go to my friend’s house?” versus “Mom, I’m going to my friend’s house.” “Boss, can I take Friday off?” versus “Boss, I can’t work on Friday.” Do this even if you think you already know the answer — when people ask, it is interpreted as a sign of respect!
Be early
Gen X grew up in a generation when punctuality was highly noted. So if you’re trying to connect to a Gen-Xer, don’t aim to be on time — be early! Lateness equates to disrespect!
Communication tips to reach Boomers and traditionalists
Say thank-you OFTEN
Voicing gratitude is always a great habit to get into! Research tells us that people who not only are thankful, but voice their gratitude — and they are happier, more likely to get promoted, more physically resilient, and people want to help them more! Look for opportunities to say thank-you (again, it must be genuine) to all Boomers and traditionalists in your life whether it’s a parent, a colleague, or an employer! One of my former coaching clients set out to make a habit of voicing 10 “thank yous” every day. Once she started she found she was saying it up to 20 times daily and people around her were more eager to help her because they felt appreciated!
Turn off your technology
When you are communicating to this generation, either put your technology away or turn it off so you’re not distracted. While using technology is like breathing for younger generations, others will view it as a massive sign of immaturity and disrespect if you use it in front of them. From dinner table conversations with the family to job interviews (yes, a recent survey said a high percentage of people would still look at their phone during an interview!) to your day-job, turn off your technology when communicating to this generation.
Honor their experience
Yes, younger generations are often faster at technology, but nothing compares to years of experience. If you want to communicate effectively with these generations, ask about their life, career journey, failures and successes, what they would have done differently, and their advice to the next generation. By asking them about their story, and learning from them, you honor their experience, and they will feel respected!
Dr. Karyn Gordon is one of North America’s leading relationship and parenting experts. She is a regular contributor to “Good Morning America,” founder of dk Leadership, best-selling author of “Dr. Karyn’s Guide To The Teen Years” (Harper Collins), and motivational speaker to a quarter of a million people. Visit her at www.dklea
