Editor’s Note: Giving & Getting

My children are now 14 and 10, and in last few months, I feel like I’m beginning to understand how being a parent to teenager is paradigm shift from what I’ve been doing the last 14 years. How can I put this? When they’re young, you basically call the shots. Now, my teenager, my daughter, really does need to start making a lot of her own decisions and learning how to deal with life—and my “baby,” my son, is not too far behind her.

On the November night that I wrote this note, I had a very positive experience helping Elena feel less overwhelmed about a biology exam in the morning. But there have been a number of other incidents between us lately that have been less positive. Still, I’m hopeful for us: I feel like I can share my life’s experiences without suggesting that my way is the only way; and I feel like she’s beginning to figure out her own balancing act of listening to her others and learning for herself.

Ironically, though, one area that I’m not proud of my record in is making a difference to others. While I am the kind of person who will give a friend in distress whatever time and attention they need, my record of helping others whose lives are so much less fortunate than my own is thin. And now, after reading Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn’s new book, A Path Appears: Transforming Lives, Creating Opportunity (see page 36), I’m reminded that my lack of good works is not only a potential loss to others, but also to myself and to my children. Making a difference should be a part of growing up, and then part of being an adult.

Nicholas and Sheryl can explain why better than I can, and I encourage you to consider their new book as a kind of holiday present to yourself. And here’s one more: Adam Grant’s Give And Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success, another great book about the power of being a giver.

Happy December!

Eric Messinger

Editor, emessinger@manhattanmedia.com