So your life is chaotic, jam packed, and crazy. You wake up each morning wondering how you are going to get through the day because you have so much to do.
When you drop the kids at school another parent approaches you about organizing a bake sale/ wrapping paper drive/capital campaign (pick one). What do you say? “Yes. Sure. Of course.”
What have you done? You have added one more thing to your already jam-packed life.
Saying “no” is a very important part of living the life of your dreams. We all want to be involved in the things that we want to do, but many of us are involved in things we don’t want to do.
Why? Guilt, usually, but also the inclination to be helpful, to carry our share of the load and to set a good example for our kids.
These are all great things. But really, if you want to be the best person that you can be, to set a great example for your kids, you have to learn to say “no.”
5 Pathways to Saying ‘NO’—Without Guilt
1. Believe in yourself and your reasoning for saying “NO.”
When you are asked to do something, take a moment (or an hour or a day) to really consider why you would add this thing to your pile. Would it satisfy you? Do you have the time? Do you have the interest? Is it the best use of your already limited time?
Giving careful consideration to something before committing to it will allow you to say “no” with conviction. You have solid reasoning as to why you shouldn’t do it. If you believe in your reasoning then it will be way easier to stand up and say “no.”
2. Keep your NO explanation, respectful, short, and sweet.
When preparing to say “no” always begin delivering the message in a respectful way. Say that you are happy to have been asked and thank them for their confidence in you. This will soften them up for the next sentence…in which you say “no.”
When saying “no” it is important that you don’t go on and on as to why you can’t do something. You have your reasons and you want to stick to them and rattling on about why you are saying “no” will only open up opportunities for the asker to convince you to say “yes.”
3. Don’t take a no to your NO.
Many askers are professionals. They know how to make another person do what they need them to do. When you have decided not to do something stick to it. You will feel much better about yourself if you do. This can be a learning experience for both you and your kids: How to make a choice and stick to it, even in the face of pushback.
4. Use email.
I know this seems like a bit of a cop-out, but really it’s the reason that email was invented…to deliver difficult news. State your reasons for saying “no” clearly and decisively and offer no personal justifications or emotional commentary about this decision or anything else. Your message will land and the asker will not be able to argue and will move on to ask someone else. And there is always someone else to ask….
5. Reward yourself.
Positive reinforcement is a really good thing. Of course, by saying “no” you will have the positive reinforcement that you haven’t added one more thing to your plate, but I think that it’s important that when you have done something good for yourself, you reward yourself.
So reward yourself for a job well done, saying “no.” It can be little, like a wonderful piece of dark chocolate, or big, like a massage. Whatever it is that makes your heart sing.
So there you go…5 Pathways to Saying ‘NO’—Without Guilt. Saying “no” is not something that comes naturally to any of us but once you learn the value of doing so you will be on your way to reaching the life of your dreams.
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