I wish I had a record of my thoughts about the nature of love and marriage when I was 25 and full of theory but short on experience. I wonder how it would compare to my feelings now that I’m 17 years, and two children, into my marriage. At this time in my life, love seems both an immediate and ongoing project, something that is built over time as well as in the moment. Grand professions are nice and fun, but really love is a million gestures—it’s everything you say and do, especially during hard times. In much the same way that the wise parent learns to love his or her child for who they are, I feel like wise and lucky lovers get to a place of joyful acceptance of their mates, of their core personality and character. Everyone has quibbles. Everyone has concerns. But do you like the person you love, and vice versa? Do you like the life you’re building together for better and worse? I hope so.
My parent friends and I joke that it’s hard not to get caught up in the “admin” of family life—that even the best of marriages can sometimes feel like they turn on how well you make practical decisions together. I hate that. In my own life, the counter-balance is that my wife and I often stay up late, just to catch up and chat in a way that doesn’t feel rushed and isn’t chore-focused. But staying up too late isn’t nearly as doable as it once was—and we’re still figuring out alternatives. Getting up early? Oh, no!
So that’s my love story in 200 words. Fortunately, this issue features a bunch of people, much wiser than myself, who in varying ways work on the front lines of love and marriage (page 56). And we also feature a few people I have mad platonic love for: Ron Lieber, who has written a terrific book about raising good kids, and this month’s cover mom, actress Amy Ryan, the awesome person behind all those awesome roles.
Have A Happy February,
Eric Messinger
Editor, [email protected]
