Dear Dr. Karyn,
Thank you for sharing your insight about the five generations last month! My husband and I were discussing some of the tips over dinner and it was great to talk about information that applied both to myself at home with the kids — and he with this employees at the office!
The topic of understanding generations is truly fascinating! As part of the three-part series on this topic, below are my five tips on how to engage and motivate all generations. Next month, I’ll focus on communication and generations.
We are all different! Once we can truly realize this we won’t be so disappointed when we discover that our boss, daughter, or spouse is not like us! What we value is shaped by many variables including our life experience, generational history, family upbringing, gender, and personality. No wonder relationships are so tricky — we often approach our relationships assuming that the other person thinks and values what we do (and he doesn’t)! So the secret to healthier relationships, at home and at work, is to understand what each person and generation values!
Here are five tips you can use to engage all generations:
Traditionalists (70–93):
Respect
If you want to engage a traditionalist, you need to respect him! Every generation values respect, but each defines it slightly different. To most traditionalists respect means you arrive early (they will often interpret lateness as disrespectful) and seek their guidance and wisdom. They have lived longer and experienced more than the rest of us, and they want their life story to matter!
When I was starting my career I had a great opportunity to sit down with a senior human resources manager at a large company and not knowing exactly what to ask him, I decided to ask him to share about his career journey. He had allocated 20 minutes for our meeting, but once he started sharing about his career and life story, his lessons learned and the advice he would recommend to the next generation, more than an hour had passed. He felt valued and I was grateful to hear his incredible insight!
Boomers (51–69): Appreciation
Boomers work hard! They work hard at the office and with their families! In fact, many experts say that it was this generation that created the 70-hour workweek (it didn’t exist before)! If you want to engage a boomer, you need to appreciate and recognize their hard work! I often tell my teen clients that if they want to see the best version of their parents, get in the regular habit of genuinely saying “thank you.”
Last year when I was working with a 17-year-old boy and his mom at our counseling center, I told the son privately, “I don’t care if you have a different opinion than your mom, trust me — start telling her ‘thank you’ for the hundreds of things she does for you and you will see her be more reasonable towards you.”
Fortunately I had a great connection with this teen and he listened. Within two weeks there was a remarkable difference in their relationship simply because he was tapping into what she valued and in return he was able to receive more flexibility, which he valued. Win-win!
Gen-X’ers (35–50): Independence
Gen-X was the generation of the latchkey era. Many of our parents (yes, I’m Gen-X) were busy working (nearly three-quarters of both parents were working in the ’80s), so we grew up faster than other generations. We didn’t have parents checking on our homework or teachers calling to make sure assignments were done on time — that was our responsibility and we carry that same belief now as parents and employers.
If you want to engage a Gen-X parent or manager you need to be more independent. This does not mean you pretend like you know everything, but rather that you ask when you have questions and (most importantly!), ask for realistic timelines within which you will get feedback.
Several years ago I was doing training with an organization on the generational differences. As part of this training they wanted me to do an exit interview with a Gen-Y’er who had abruptly quit. In my conversation with him he said, “Karyn, I started my job in September and didn’t get any feedback until December. Honestly, I felt abandoned!”
I discovered that his manager was a Gen-X’er who just assumed he was capable of doing his job, and left him to it (aka independently). Gen-X managers tend to delegate tasks to others and expect that they will figure it out and get it done (that is how we were raised), but Gen-Y employees are used to getting a lot of support, feedback, coaching, and collaboration (that’s how they were raised).
If you want to engage and motivate a Gen-X parent or employer, remember that they value independence!
Gen-Y’ers (20–34):
Speed
Gen-Y’ers love speed and for things to happen quickly! Not only do they like speed in technology — but also in how things are taught, when promotions are going to happen, and how they are being communicated to. This generation has often been criticized for not being patient or for wanting instant gratification, and yet as I shared last month, part of this is that they were raised during the era of the internet and our “buy now, pay later culture.”
If you want to engage Gen-Y’ers, look at your speed. They are engaged by moving quickly and will disengage when things are too slow. Intuitively I knew this, but it was recently reinforced for me during one of my all-day leadership events, “Dare To Dream: Building Emotional Intelligence.” One of the participants, an 18-year-old, during the break said to me, “Karyn I love your style.” When I got curious to what he was referencing (silly me, I thought he was going to say it was the practical content, inspirational videos or ultra-funky office space), he said, “It’s because you talk fast. I love teachers who talk fast — they keep me engaged. It means I can’t allow my mind to wander and I need to stay on task.”
Gen-Z’ers (5–19): Relevance
How relevant are you as a parent or boss? Are you talking about what you experienced growing up (ex, “I had to walk 10 miles in five feet of snow to get to school”) just for the sake of it — or do you have a point? After listening to well over 10,000 hours of Gen-Y and -Z in our coaching office, it has dawned on me that many of them had a secret question in their minds that needed answering, which is: “What’s the point?”
“What’s the point of trying hard in grade 10, it doesn’t count — I’ll start trying in grade 12?” “What’s the point of this math stuff — I’m not going to use it anywhere in my life?” “What’s the point of talking to my dad — he is never going to change?” “What’s the point of making my bed — I’m going to get it all messy again by tonight?”
I’ve learned through practicing for nearly 20 years now that a key component to engaging Generations Y and Z is that the information that I want to share has to be relevant, make sense, and connect to their lives in a way that is going to make them better, easier, or more meaningful. Outstanding parents, counselors, teachers, and bosses know how to connect regular information in way that excites their audience by making it relevant and current.
One of my teen clients was taking a grade 12 math course to get ahead. Before the course even started she was frustrated that she had signed up for this while all of her friends were traveling, vacationing and enjoying their summer. Yet, after her first day, she had a session scheduled with me, and she came in energized, engaged, and extremely positive (I thought perhaps she had canceled the course). Surprisingly, she said, “Karyn, I love this class! Did you know that math is everywhere? Every time I go shopping, buy a concert ticket, use my cellphone or computer — I’m using math.” My client had an outstanding teacher that knew how to make grade 12 math relevant to my client’s life, which as a result engaged and motivated her!
Dr. Karyn Gordon is one of North America’s leading relationship and parenting experts. She is a regular contributor to “Good Morning America,” founder of dk Leadership, best-selling author of “Dr. Karyn’s Guide To The Teen Years” (Harper Collins), and motivational speaker to a quarter of a million people. Visit her at www.dkleadership.org and on Twitter: @DrKarynGordon.
