Do you ever sit back and evaluate whether you favor one of your twins over the other? Do you think you treat one better? Or worse? Are you a fair parent? I read in a book once that you have to aim for fairness, not equality. So why do I beat myself up if I don’t read each twin an equal number of books or give them an equal number of hugs and kisses?—
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not sitting around counting the hugs and kisses I give my boy/girl twins. I just feel like I smooch my son more than my daughter. Maybe it’s because he comes to me more for kisses. But does that mean that he loves me more than she does?
At night, the mommy guilt overwhelms me. There are a million thoughts that run through my mind. Did I do good by them today? Did I pay too much attention to one and not the other? Will they grow up to need therapy because I unfairly blamed him for something she did?
I’m by far not the perfect parent, but I really want to do right by them. I never lose sight of the fact that these children will one day grow up to be productive members of society. So I wonder: Am I nurturing them too much? Not enough? Am I raising them to be junk food lovers because I occasionally take them to McDonald’s? Am I giving them enough responsibility? Too much responsibility?
Geez, it’s enough to drive you mad. Take the standard mommy guilt every mom experiences and double it–that’s the life of a twin mom.
I wonder if the twins compare themselves to each other. Does it bother my son that my daughter has lost eight teeth and he only three? Does it bother my daughter that he is a better reader? Am I going crazy over things that don’t even register with them? I don’t want to bring any of this up in fear that if they don’t already think these things, they will if we discuss them. It’s enough to drive you right to the Merlot.
If time allows, and I don’t collapse on the couch, at the end of each day I prefer to sit back and think about how awesome and well-adjusted and happy my twins are. Sure, we aren’t the perfect family, and I admit, I’m a yeller (sorry “ScreamFree Parenting”– it didn’t work for me), but my kids really are happy, healthy and perfect in my eyes.
Maybe I’m not doing such a bad job after all? Maybe I’m driving myself nuts over issues that they don’t give a rat’s butt about.
Sigh. That’s what moms do. We worry and give ourselves guilt over what we think we can do better. Tonight, I collapse, tomorrow I worry. I suppose one of the signs that you are a great mom is the fact that you do worry in the first place. If we were bad parents, we wouldn’t care if our kids were well-adjusted. Right? Good. Tonight I can rest. Tomorrow there is more worry and guilt to experience. Sweet dreams…
