Becoming a new mom is one of life’s greatest transitions. And by “greatest,” I mean it’s probably the biggest, craziest, up-and-downiest, most amazing and intense, hardest, most rewarding (insert a million other words) time in your life.
All big changes take time to get used to, and transitions are often emotional—with both wonderful and difficult feelings. Here are a few suggestions for making the huge transition of becoming a mom smoother and easier.
1. Plan your post-partum support now! Many of us spend lots of time thinking about the birth. This is very important, obviously! But it’s nowhere near as important as taking the time when you are pregnant to create your postpartum care plan. Figure out who will come to help after you have the baby. Mom? Mother-in-law? Friends? Post-partum doula? Baby nurse?
Extra Tip: Don’t forget to have people help you after the first two weeks. Most moms have a million visitors and helpers (and often partners are still home) during the first weeks. Then everyone leaves, the partner often goes back to work, the baby starts to be more alert and need more, and all of a sudden most moms are left alone.
Have an aunt who wants to come visit? Schedule her for four weeks after your due date. A dear friend who will stay and help? Can she come six weeks after your due date?
2. Meet other pregnant or new moms in real life (or virtually). As new moms in New York, we are fortunate to be surrounded by a ton of people at all times. A good percentage of these people will be expecting and new moms like you. No one enjoys a good conversation about pee and poop like another new mom. They will not be bored by every detail you share about diapering, sleep, and spit-up.
Join some type of activity that will get you in a circle of new moms. The main purpose is to get you out of your house, give you some fresh air, and give you the opportunity to connect with other women going through the same thing you are.
If you want meet people before you have the baby, look for new friends in a prenatal yoga class, Meetups for people with similar due dates, or your childbirth or infant CPR class. If you’ve already had the baby, try a mom-baby yoga or Pilates class, facilitated new-mom groups, breastfeeding groups, or Meetups for parents of babies born in the same month.
Extra Tip: Do you live in a building full of families? Post a simple flyer with a date and time to meet new moms in the building. All you have to say is, “I have a 6-week-old. Come out on Saturday morning at 10am for a new-mom gathering.” Don’t waste a second making it look good! Just get it up there. Meet on your roof, in your lobby, in a café, or in your apartment. Rather than riding the elevator in silence and not talking to your neighbors, create community where you live! Not in a big building? Post a few flyers on your street. I know it sounds crazy, but you will be so glad you did it.
Want to go virtual? Join your local parenting email list, like hrpmamas or bowerybabes. Or go to groups.yahoo.com or googlegroups.com and search for your neighborhood parenting e-group.
3. Make plans for self-care once you are a full-time caregiver, i.e., mother! Make a commitment to yourself now to make special time for you once you are a mom. Start by planning Mom Time at least once per month. Put it on the calendar now! This means you get to go out and do something for you, by yourself or with your partner or a friend. Get a massage, see a movie, take a long walk, enjoy dinner out. Allow yourself to be the best mother you can be by giving yourself the care you need.
Extra Tip: Make plans now to sleep when the baby sleeps! You have heard it before, but you must live this in the first weeks after the baby is born in order to get maximal sleep. Let the dishes sit there (or better yet, ask whoever is in the house to take care of them) and take that late-morning nap with your baby! New-mom fatigue is way less brutal if you nap during baby’s nap.
4. Learn about professional support for post-partum depression now.
You may not need help, but if you know who can help ahead of time, you can get help if you need it. It’s sort of like buying an insurance plan.
Post-partum depression and anxiety are serious—but they are also very treatable. Do not hesitate to seek support if you need it. It’s the best thing you can do for yourself and your baby.
In NYC, we are lucky to have the Seleni Institute, a nonprofit dedicated to transforming women’s mental health, and the Postpartum Resource Center of NY, which offers support for prenatal and postpartum depression. If you are in crisis, you can call the Postpartum Resource Center at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).
If you are struggling, call a hotline or tell your partner, close friends or family members, a therapist or doctor, or anyone else you trust that you could use their help in getting treatment.
Jada Shapiro is a co-founder of Birth Day Presence, New York City’s premier provider of childbirth education and doula services. Birth Day Presence is proud to be partnering with Premier Pediatrics to offer Facilitated New Mom Support Groups in the fall.
