When Kardashian parent Bruce Jenner revealed his true identity during that moving television interview, a firestorm of controversy was ignited. Then when a striking Caitlyn Jenner emerged, reactions ranged from shock to thumbs up.
In July, an E! docu-series titled “I Am Cait” gave viewers an intimate look into Caitlyn’s private world and revealed all the challenging issues she had to deal with as a transgender woman. It became clear that it wasn’t just about the long hair and make-up, or wearing pretty clothes.
Holly Maholm now feels quite accomplished as a transgender person and says she isn’t content with just that superficial stuff either. Married twice, she actively co-parented her three daughters (now adults) from her first marriage.
Born John S. Oney, at 67, Maholm says she has fully embraced her change. Like Jenner, she began her transition to living full-time as a woman, later in life (in 2013), and it has been a rough journey getting there.
Holly has experienced rejection, loneliness, and being ignored by family, friends, and acquaintances. One day, she decided to capture some of her feelings in a story, and express them through the transgender character, Connie, in her new book “Brave in Ribbons.” Inspired by Charles Dickens’s classic tale, “A Christmas Carol,” Holly’s humorous version has a modern, unexpected twist.
Maholm, who is a Yale graduate, practices law in Cleveland, Ohio, where she’s a longtime resident and an active member of the local LGBTQ community. She also has ties to New York, having had a best friend (now passed), who once lived in Brooklyn, and has visited Gotham many times.
She shared her story with New York Parenting:
“I had great accomplishments before my “change” and since my change. I have written “Brave in Ribbons” as a kind of extension of my earlier book “When Once I Lived.” Now I am Holly, and I see so many things differently, and so many the same. I hope to demonstrate that transgender people can accomplish great things, and being transgender is no great barrier to achievement.
“I have so many more friends than before. I have a much deeper sense of sympathy for others, and I am so much more interested in the emotions of others. Becoming Holly has opened up a new and more loving world for me.
“When I became Holly at 64, there was no celebration, believe me! It was a shock, and I struggled to understand what was happening.” Even when she was younger, Maholm insists she never felt like a girl, as her transgender friends had, and was always comfortable being male.
The transitioning process
“Like most transgender women, I started hormone replacement therapy as early as I could. For me, this was January, 2014. I have taken the female hormone every day since. I let my hair grow and recently had it colored. This past May, I had a boob job (breast augmentation). It really gives me a better shape and gives me confidence. I will not get the sexual reassignment. I just don’t want to face such a radical surgery at my age. If I were 21 I would do it in a heartbeat. I will also not (for the same reason) get any facial surgery (I really shudder to think how much pain Caitlyn Jenner has gone through, with all the surgery she has had).”
Marriage and family
“At the time of my first marriage I had no idea about Holly. Victoria and I had three daughters. We got divorced in 1992, and had joint custody of the girls. I loved taking care of them and spent many weekends taking them to the mall, to the movies, and roller blading with their friends. Today, Vicki and I are on good terms and talk now and then about the girls and their issues.
“Each of my daughters reacted to the news differently. When I changed, Stephanie (now age 31), Meredith (age 26), and Emily (age 25) were already out of the house and living in other cities. I disclosed my change using a long letter (11 pages), so that I could tell them the whole complex story, and because they were all in different cities. So, I couldn’t do it in person. Also, I didn’t want to leave anything out, and I wanted each of them to get the same facts and feelings from me.
Stephanie accepted me from the first. It wasn’t easy, but she did. Both Meredith and Emily at first, would not speak to me, and this lasted for almost a year. Then Emily went to a therapist; she has accepted me and we talk often — we have the same loving father-daughter relationship we had before. Recently, she invited me to go to Chicago to see her — which means she would finally see me dressed as Holly.
“Meredith will not speak to me and in Dec, 2013 sent me a one-line email telling me not to contact her in any way, for any reason. I haven’t spoken to her since. She started therapy in July, but no results yet. But I have my hopes.”
The second marriage
“I got re-married (to Barbara) in 2005. My change to Holly came during this marriage, and I told her about Holly in November, 2013. She was at first supportive (maybe hoping I would change back), but in three months gave up on that and became unbelievably angry and hostile. She was very hurt. I do not feel a moral responsibility, since being Holly was never a choice I made. On the other hand, I did (and do) love her, and it hurts me that she is suffering. She thought we were going to grow old together, and now that is all gone. So my heart goes out to her. We’re divorced and do not speak, nor do I expect to.
“I focus on my daughters and on my friends. I became Holly very late in life, and I expect I will not have very many years to enjoy seeing the world through her eyes. So, every day is important to me. I have a rewarding life and feel very, very lucky.”
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What does all this mean to you, as parents raising children in 2016? How do you feel about telling your young children: Uncle Johnny is now Aunt Mary? And explaining to them what it means to be transgender? Or, if you happen to be the parent of a “questioning” teen, what do you do?
You’ll get more insight into these complicated topics and others, in Part 2 of this series, which will feature an interview with a local filmmaker, who is the daughter of a transgender woman.
“Brave in Ribbons” is currently available on NetGalley and on Amazon.
Tammy Scileppi is a Queens-based freelance writer/journalist and parent and a regular contributor to New York Parenting. Interviewing hundreds of New York City’s movers and shakers has been an amazing adventure for her. Scileppi’s work has appeared in a variety of media outlets. She has also written book cover copy for Simon and Schuster.
