Adam: You’re not going to be happy about something.
Me: What?
Adam: I won the MVP of my camp group this week. [He goes to sports camp.]
Me: And?
Adam: And I traded the medal for two Mentos.
It gets better.
Me: Really?
Adam: Yeah, and they weren’t even that good.
Here’s my dilemma. I know that whole thing—what happened and his telling of it—is priceless. At the same time, he was essentially right. I was not pleased about him giving up his medal, and I wanted to him to understand that how the Mentos tasted was the least of it. But I also didn’t want to make him feel awful about the trade either.
So we talked about how it was an honor bestowed by the counselors that he should be really proud of. And I asked him to consider how they would feel if, after all their consideration, they learned that he traded it away.
I also had some concern about the trade itself. Adam is big fan of the cable hit “Pawn Stars,” in which people try to cash in on all kinds of items, from Super Bowl rings to autographed books—and there’s a lot of bargaining going down between the owners and the customers. After emphasizing that he shouldn’t have made his trade, I then proceeded to send mix signals by talking about the art of the negotiation. You should have heard me; it was embarrassing.
“Adam, you had the leverage, the power, because you had what she wanted. Think about ‘Pawn Stars’ and how they go back and forth,” I said. “You had the medal. She wanted it. You could have asked for the whole box of Mentos, given her something to really think about.”
“I know, but she kept on nagging me,” he said.
In matters of parenting, I can be guilty of being a bit of a nag myself, for going on for too long, as if all important messages need to be hammered home. This time I wisely let up, encouraging him to focus on the good news: his first MVP award!
Eric Messinger is Editor of New York Family. He can be reached at [email protected]
