Dads have an important role with babies, too. And being a new father can be tough. Here are some tips:
• Realize the father’s role is as important to the baby as the mother’s.
• Remember experience is the best teacher. If the new dad came from a home where there were younger siblings or he has friends with babies, he may fall into the parenting role quicker.
• Encourage the new father to get involved in all aspects of child care — bathing, feeding, reading, and putting the baby to sleep. If he needs a little coaching, give him the basics then let him develop his own style.
• The wife should be careful not to criticize her husband’s efforts, as this will only frustrate him. Encourage him and make him feel competent in his new role.
• Realize that some babies, such as those with colic, are more of a challenge to soothe. If the baby is crying, look for obvious signs of discomfort — diaper change, hunger, fatigue, gas. Try to spend 10 minutes at any one strategy. If it doesn’t work, try another one. Remember newborns can also suffer from over stimulation due to lights, motion, sounds and people — things that may seem normal are a drastic change from a quiet womb.
• The new father should take on the role of communicator with outside family and friends, and set limits and boundaries, if needed. Encourage others to help in practical ways, such as dropping off meals, running errands or watching the baby so the couple can take a walk.
• Extended family can be a huge help or significant stressor. Encourage well-meaning but intruding relatives to refrain from giving unwanted input with regard to child care.
• One of the father’s biggest roles is to support the mother. This includes keeping an eye out for postpartum depression, which may have a delayed onset.
• Couples should keep a constant line of communication open with one another and discuss how the adjustment is going. Talk about things that are and are not working, and make suggestions for change.
• Make sure the new father has an outlet where he can share his stress. Look for a father support group or friend who is or has gone through this stage in life. If he doesn’t share his concerns, that stress may build.
• Couples should work at nurturing the marriage relationship, as this will benefit the parents and child. If extended family is local, schedule occasional date nights. If this isn’t an option, look for creative ways to give the marriage attention — back or foot rubs, a note in the spouse’s lunch box, or a quick e-mail sent to the office. Couples’ communication should include more than just baby talk.
• Make time for intimacy. Couples should be sensitive to each others needs and work together to find a compromise.
• Try to find time for one’s self. It may be impossible to maintain the before-baby lifestyle, but determine what is most critical for each parent to relieve stress — sleep, exercise, time out of the house — and schedule that into the week.
• New fathers should be aware of their emotions. If they feel anxious or depressed for an extended period of time, they should talk with their physician.
• Realize it gets better. The more time fathers spend with their baby, the easier it will get. Right now things aren’t normal, but life will take on a new normalcy in time.
Looking for more?
Here are some resources for new fathers.
Books and DVDs:
• “Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook for New Dads” by Gary Greenberg and Jeannie Hayden
• “The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips and Advice for Dads-to-Be” by Armin Brott
• “The Father’s Almanac: From Pregnancy to Pre-school, Baby Care to Behavior, the Complete and Indispensable Book of Practical Advice and Ideas for Every Man Discovering the Fun and Challenge of Fatherhood” by S. Adams Sullivan
• “New Father Book: What Every New Father Needs to Know to be a Good Dad” by Wade F. Horn, Ph.D. and Jeffrey Rosenberg, MSW
• “Toolbox for New Dads: Because Babies Don’t Come with Instructions” by Armin Brott (DVD)
Websites:
