Years ago, when my husband Alex was leaving for a week-long business trip and our then two-and-a-half-year-old son Royce was visibly upset, he told Royce, “Don’t worry, I’m just going out for a sandwich. I’ll be right back.”
Of course, he didn’t come right back, Royce had a meltdown, and I was left to explain about work and travel and that Dada would be home in “a few sleeps.” After Royce calmed down, he actually seemed to appreciate being told the truth and didn’t have any other meltdowns the entire week about his dad being away.
Kids are smart and they remember what we tell them. I am serious when I say that for one whole year, every time Alex was actually just going out for a sandwich, Royce thought he was going away on a business trip and not telling him. He would freak out and scream and cry until Alex came home. Yet, when we told him about trips the night before and looked on the map to see where Dada was going, he was calm. While he wasn’t happy his dad was leaving, he understood the situation.
As parents, we’ll do anything to make sure our kids are happy and calm. We may tell them little white lies when we’re leaving like, “Don’t worry, we’re not going out to dinner,” or “Okay, we’ll stay home,” because we think it will make them feel better.
But I truly believe that it is better to be completely honest with our kids so that they learn about leaving and coming back. While it may be frustrating and we may be late to some things due to time spent calming our children down at home, it’s worth it in the end. Our children learn that when we leave, we’ll be back. Which means they won’t freak out every time we leave the house…hopefully.
