Twenty-eight was my number. No, not that number! The perfect number, the age at which I wanted to have children. The age at which I felt I would be ready to finally become a mother. Well, this month I’ll be celebrating my 31st birthday, and I’ll be a mom to a 10 month old. Not too far off. I’ve been playfully dubbing it my “Second-Annual 30th.” I get to celebrate the big 3-0 again, since I was 8-months pregnant the first time around, and needless to say, I was in no mood to move out of my air-conditioned room, let alone celebrate my birthday.
Did I feel more ready at 30 than I did at 28 to have a child? Absolutely. Do I ever still feel like I’m missing out? Yes. The truth is, no matter what age you choose to be a mother, it comes with sacrifice. Younger mothers sacrifice their youth and freedom. Older mothers sacrifice their bodies and independence. Young or old, something that you once held dear — whether hanging out with your friends every week or taking that yearly trip to a new destination — might have to take a back seat for a while.
Back when I used to watch TV, I remember catching an episode of “Teen Mom.” A teen was arguing with her mother over whether or not her mother could watch her baby while she went out and partied with her friends. This was a frequent event, and the teen’s mother was at her wit’s end. She gave her a lecture on how her partying days were over and how she needed to accept the responsibility of being a new parent.
Of course I agreed with the mother. The teen clearly needed to get her act together, but I can only imagine how difficult it is to be so young, watching your friends enjoying the things that define your youth, while caring for an infant. That can’t be fun. Things like prom, dating, going to the beach, and just doing what young people do are no longer a part of your lifestyle. You’re really forced to grow up once you become a parent, whether you’re ready for it or not.
I really enjoyed my youth. I was always active in school, socialized with friends, and got to travel. I had the best college experience ever and even lived on my own for a while after I graduated. I did all the things you’re “supposed to do” before having children.
By all accounts, having a baby at 30 should have been an easy transition. But sometimes I feel like a teen mom who just wants to run off with her friends. I would’ve had this feeling at 40 or 50, too, I believe. The word “mother” is synonymous with the word “sacrifice.”
Maybe it’s the realization that I have a child, maybe it’s the fact that this will be my first summer as a mom. Either way, it still seems crazy. Instead of thinking that I’m missing out on happy hours by the seaport and fun weekend getaways, I get to sign up for mommy-and-me swimming, have family picnics, and show my daughter how fun it is to blow bubbles on a warm, sunny day. I get to be the mom I’ve always wanted to be. And I’m pretty sure that spending my second-annual 30th with my daughter will be a really great gift.
