A few weeks back, I had lunch with some of my fabulous college girlfriends for a much-needed mom’s day out. At one point, though, between the laughs and reminiscing about our college days, one of my friends started to complain about the family sitting at the table behind us. She said the couple’s kids were completely “out of control” and wanted us to move to a different table. Within minutes, all of my friends joined in criticizing the family, but I kept quiet. I stayed quiet because unlike them, I am a mother (and of toddlers no less), and knew that those “out of control” kids could have easily been mine.
A few years back I probably would have reacted the same way as my friends did. But, now that I am the mother of 3-year-old triplets, I see things way differently. From a single, childless, New York City gal, to a married, full-time mom of three, I have been on both sides of the proverbial fence and know that there’s one thing that most non-parents and even some new parents have in common — they are judgmental of other people’s parenting skills. I know this because I used to be one of those people.
Not long ago I was one of those people shaking my head whenever I saw a parent become inpatient with her kids. I recall also being equally appalled by parents who “let” their kids be out of control. I now know that there isn’t a parent alive who hasn’t become exasperated with her kids and sometimes kids are simply “out of control” because the behavior can’t be helped. I recall also having lots to say about parents who let their kids watch television in any form. Ironically, once I became a mom, the same dreaded TV soon became my savior.
When my kids were 15 months they were impossible to feed. Not only would they refuse to eat — they wouldn’t even get in their high chairs! One night before dinner it occurred to me to turn on the iPad and I bribed my kids with an episode of “Yo Gabba Gabba” and it worked! My kids ran to their high chairs in excitement and practically ate everything on their plates. It was a miracle! And I kept using this miracle for nearly a year.
Thankfully, I don’t need the iPad anymore to get my kids to eat. The old (childless) me would have been very critical of that decision that day, and of me as a parent. The new me — the older, wiser, more experienced me — knows that sometimes you have to make adjustments to meet your kids where they are. I also think it’s time that we all give parents a break, because the job is much harder than it looks.
Happy holidays and a happy New Year!
Notoya Green is a parenting expert and former family law attorney. You can read her blog at www.tripletsintribeca.com. You can also follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/tripletsintribeca and on Twitter @NotoyaG.
