A few months ago, my husband and I were at an event, seated next to a baby and preschooler. As parents who are well finished with the diaper stage, we were enthralled with the kids. My husband began to reminiscence about when our kids were babies and for a minute (and I mean a teeny, tiny few seconds), I considered what life would be like to have another.
It’s such a tempting fantasy to imagine the little baby feet, the delightful powdery smell that you can endlessly inhale, and the sweet chuckle that comes from a first laugh. It’s also so incredibly easy to get caught up in the sweetness of a new baby, but before deciding on another child, there are some concrete and practical things to consider:
Are you willing to handle another pregnancy and baby?
A first pregnancy can be hard enough, but when you have another child to care for, it can mean less rest and recovery time. If you’ve already had a difficult pregnancy, you might want to reserve some extra hands to help care for your first child on days when you need extra rest.
The same goes for after the baby is born, because if you are feeling overwhelmed from the constant demands of caring for a newborn, adding another child to the mix can feel like the equivalent of adding 10 on some days. And we all know every pregnancy is different. If your first was a walk on easy street, it doesn’t necessarily mean that your second one will be just as carefree.
Are your finances in order?
Let’s face it. Raising kids is incredibly expensive. Some estimates round out the cost of raising one child to age 17 to be somewhere around $225,000. Yikes!
Making sure you have enough money allotted for everything from food and clothes to college will make growing your family more enjoyable and less stressful.
Are you and your spouse both on the same page?
If one of you does not want another child, it’s never a good idea to have one. Sure, he may change his mind when he sees the little bundle, but he may not. In the worst-case scenario, he may grow to resent the child … and you.
In addition, Dr. Christine Lee says you must also consider your other child or children.
“Having another child will literally double your responsibilities. If it has been a long time since you had a baby, you might not have considered just how much work a new baby is, or you might have forgotten. Diapers, bottles, midnight feedings, all of the etc. … that comes along with a new baby. Also remember that your other child will still have needs that need to be met, so make sure that you consider everything before you have another baby.”
Will you regret not having one more child?
When my oldest daughter was potty trained and talking, I missed having a baby in the house. More than that, I wanted her to have a sibling.
We had another daughter and they are best friends even in their tumultuous teen years. We went on to have a son after that for a total of three.
I’m sure I would have regretted not having another child after our first daughter.
Are you trying to fix something?
How many times have you heard someone say they wanted a baby so it would strengthen the relationship? If anything, the opposite is true.
Late-night feedings, constant crying, and nights spent inside tend to dampen already troubled relationships, not make them better.
Danielle Sullivan, a mom of three, has worked as a writer and editor in the parenting world for more than 10 years. Sullivan also writes about pets and parenting for Disney’s Babbl
