Wow. It still doesn’t feel real. Even as I stare at my sleeping sweet baby girl, and after 3.5 months of being a mommy, and 9 months of pregnancy, it still doesn’t even feel real. I had moms tell me that being a mommy, the days are long but years fast and to “enjoy it,” and “don’t blink”…and wow, were they right. The past few months feel like a whirlwind… a beautiful, loving, challenging, and crazy whirlwind. Now all I can think about is how I wish time would stop!
Mommy-hood came with a vengeance and knocked me out like a wild hurricane. I was so, so, so confident, I mean I work with kids…kids love me…I am considered a kid “expert” by some definitions. But there is nothing that can prepare you for, and nothing as hard as being a mommy yourself. Every mom I have seen since Elle, I literally bow my head down in respect. Whether they be a mom who is privileged enough to have help or lots of family around…or a mom who I know is doing it on their own—no matter what it is a marathon. All kids and moms are different and in different situations but they all deserve a nod because it is an uphill climb. One filled with tons of love and joy but an uphill climb still.
When my love Elle was born October 5 my heart exploded, I had so much love for her, for my husband, and for our family. We had, luckily, a great delivery experience and we giggled and called the hospital stay a “vacation.” It wasn’t until we went home, and a week went by, and my mom left, and my husband went back to work that this perfect bundle was my responsibility alone for 10 hours a day until I had my wonderful hubby was back.
I was so scared I would break her. She had terrible acid reflux and reactions to my milk and I was so scared. I never thought that I would have any trouble feeding my own child. I had emotions running through me from extreme highs to extreme, exhausted OMG-this-is-our-life-now moments at 4am with no sleep.
It felt like I was totally alone…until I called on my friends who were recent mommies. One in South Carolina, one in Baltimore, one on Long Island, to name a few. I reached out to my NYC mom customers, to cousins with kids…to anyone who could offer me insight. Just the fact that I had support from moms who validated how hard it is in the beginning, who gave me tips, who told me they knew what it was like to be in my position made me feel stronger and better. They told me this was the way to get through—and that any mom who said the beginning was easy—was lying. That was all I needed. The strength in my peers, a circle of moms, the support of those who walked before. One of the most touching things was a childhood mom’s friend who sent me a message saying your daughter is beautiful, hang in there, the first few months are hard (but filled with beautiful moments), but all of a sudden you will hit your groove and you will be in heaven.
I am proud to say I am in that heaven. I can’t even stand how much I love my daughter, and how much more I love my amazing husband for helping me figure out how to be a mom. I see women on the street now who I know are moms and feel as if I belong to a special club. I tear up as I type these words and have goose bumps on my arms thinking about how much I love being Elle’s mommy.
Shout out to all my amazing mommy friends, all my family, my non-mom friends who were there for me in all my craziness, my amazing employees who helped a new mom business owner keep her “first baby” afloat while deciphering 4 am e-mailed instructions, and most importantly my own mommy who taught me how to love so deeply. Without your constant love in my first three months of mommy-hood I might have crumbled…it really does take a village and I am so happy you are mine.
Lindsey Peers is the owner of the Craft Studio. Learn more about her at craftstudionyc.com!
