In my eyes, my 9-year-old son, Adam, is blessed with a very nice look. He has dirty blonde hair, and blue-grey eyes, a fun smile, and a strong, athletic body. He looks like the little jock that he is. His regular sport is baseball, and his favorite position is catcher. His stocky frame makes him a mini version of just about every catcher in the major leagues. But Adam is also a bit chubby, and with kids being kids, he sometimes hears about his weight from friends.
Once, at least as Adam later reported it to me, he was having an argument with the boy sitting back-to-back to him in class about seating and spacing, and his friend told him that the problem was that Adam wasn’t thin enough. Last night I discovered Adam’s school lunch, uneaten, in the refrigerator. What happened? Adam wasn’t happy about his performance on a test of push-ups and sit-ups at gym, and in a fit of anxiety and self-consciousness he decided to start a no-food-at-lunch diet.
Adam’s pediatrician has mentioned to him that it would be a good idea for his health to lose a few pounds, when the topic comes up, my wife and I, who are both overweight, try to send the right messages. It’s about health and eating better. It’s not about looks—you are good-looking and likeable and loveable. We’ll acknowledge the hurt of hurtful remarks, but treat it like an issue of being sensitive to other’s feelings, and how friends treat each other. But he’s smart and sensitive and the weight comments really sting him.
Lately, I’ve been on my own pursuit of better health through better eating. As much as I’m trying to be a better role model, perhaps that puts added pressure on him as well. I know bad habits—like good ones—can take root in childhood. I know that I want to say the right things to him about weight, and not add to his problems, and I’m feeling a bit like I’m entering uncharted territory.
If you read this column now and then, you know I like to end on notes of completion, but his issue feels like a real work in progress to me. I welcome your thoughts.
Eric Messinger is the editor of New York Family. He can be reached at emessinger@manhattanmedia.com.
