Mom Truths During COVID-19: Re-Introducing….Me

Psst…looking for more mom truth? Check out Welcome to My Sh*t Show: By a Well Intentioned New York Mom

One of the things about being faced with a global crisis is that it reveals the kind of person you really are. It strips you down to your elements: who you are at your core. What you value. What’s important to you. This is the diamond that emerges from the immense pressures surrounding us in these challenging times. YOU ARE THE DIAMOND. No more need to pretend, no more faking it till you make it — because why bother? Everyone’s wearing masks, anyway. And after being holed up in here for the last 5,302 days with my husband, dog, and two kids — I’m proud to say that I now stand here raw, naked before you (while maintaining a sensible distance) as my TRUE SELF. Let me introduce you to the freshly uncovered, under-showered, awakened me:

I am Living in the Flow of Life

What time is it? Who knows? Am I late, or am I early? It doesn’t matter. And it might not ever matter again. I used to be so regimented — up with the alarm, do my hair, get the kids to school early, then off to the races. I couldn’t imagine a life that wasn’t scheduled down to the minute with calls, meetings, lunches, and events. Now I know that HEALING IS POSSIBLE. Life is so much more simple now because it is no longer about building my business or even having a successful career. It is about letting go of everything that mattered to me professionally and giving in to This Moment. And that moment, Dear Ones, is THE CHILDREN’S EDUCATION — which the Universe has ever-knowingly placed solely into my hands. It is “morning” when I hear my eight-year-old shouting at his now pixelated classmates during “virtual school” time. It is time to put on pants when my five-year-old’s school is minutes away from starting — because that actually requires my participation. When is the “homeschool” day over? When I fucking feel like giving up and taking a nap.

I Have Learned to Embrace My Natural Beauty

As I watch my growing brows bring me ever closer to resembling my paternal grandfather, and who knows how long it will be before I get a professional brow wax — I’m trying whatever new bushy eyebrow trend there is. Have you heard of this thing called Soap Brows? It’s apparently an old thing that makeup artists have been doing for ages, that’s become a new thing again on Instagram. (Google it. You’ll love it, because all the Influencers tell you that you will). It takes 10 minutes per brow, but I do it WITH INTENTION and use the time to get lost in my own thoughts and reflect. I let the children pretend my bed is a playground, and ignore the sound of my favorite houseplant crashing to the floor. This is my Self Care Time, and I am guarding it fiercely. I’ve also been experimenting with reparative hair oils…my own. The trick is this: Say no to showers, and hello to shiny, sleek hair.

I Have Discovered Deep Wells of Generosity Within Myself

True generosity is something you just can’t help but offer; it is a need that cannot be suppressed because it comes from WITHIN. When I ask myself, “What is my legacy? What do I want to be remembered for, from this time in our history?” I want people to remember that I not only GAVE, but that I offered up the very things most precious to me. Announcing, to anyone who hasn’t been made aware: Both of my children are now available online by request, at almost any hour — to keep your children company. Anytime. As a family, we have decided that no one should feel alone right now. So should your child invite one of mine to a Google Hangout, my kids will be there to help build a portal in Minecraft, to report any players in ROBLOX with “inappropriate” usernames, or simply to create some ambient noise in both of our respective apartments. We care.

I Have Deepened My Relationship With Nature

I’ve never considered myself a “nature girl” before. I have always preferred the Concrete Jungle to the actual jungle. But lately, I’ve been experiencing profound moments of peace when connecting and becoming one with the bounties of Mother Earth: The juniper berry (the pure essence of my Gin cocktail) runs strong through my bloodstream (along with its natural accompaniment, olives) — and has ceased to have any effect on me at this point in quarantine. Same with my favorite bottle of The Fruit of the Vine. I am a rather petite woman, matching my (not petite, sorry Honey) husband drink-for-drink each night; and am fully functioning during, after, and the next day. Sure, the kids (and sometimes the dog) cower in fear when my scream-yelling makes the house shake; but I am pretty sure that is just the soul transition I am undergoing, rather than a hangover. Which only leads me to conclude: Me, the juniper, the grape — we are all ONE. Also, and this is pretty post-pandemic for me: I have even taken on a keen interest in “plants” — if you know what I mean. I have never felt so clear.

I am Letting Go of Old Narratives

Old narrative: I am a strong, and sometimes sexy woman; a working mother; a leader, and an entrepreneur in my circles, poised on the precipice of success — and her 40s. New narrative: I am a mother to two school-aged boys that just won’t fucking STOP IT ALREADY, a failing homeschool teacher, a person who hides in closets often, who leans heavily on her “Pandemic Pringles” (as she affectionately refers to them) — poised on the precipice of a nervous breakdown, and her 40s. I am facing my Truth.

I Have Adopted a Clean Skincare Regimen

Would you like to hear about it? Yes, you would. All this “being one with the juniper berry” can take a toll on the skin. As do my thrice weekly midnight hyperventilating/sob sessions, when I think about things like my kids never getting to celebrate their last day of school, or this precious time we’ll never get back, and how much I miss pedicures. To combat the damage my drinking and crying are doing to my pores and capillaries; I knew that I needed to throw everything in my medicine cabinet out, and start anew. Inspired by images of baby-faced celebrities like Miranda Kerr in a white bathrobe — and actual babies — I decided to try face oils. IT’S ALL ABOUT THE OIL, my Dear Ones. Since I can’t afford anything Miranda Kerr is using (see: no longer working), actual olive oil seems to be my best bet. And it’s so easy: While heating up a pan for my morning eggs, I slap some olive oil on my face, and then massage it in with one hand, as I run around the house picking up everyone’s shit with the other. I am fortunate to have such abundance right at my fingertips.

I Have Become Tuned in Instead of “Tuned-Out”

Living in this fast-paced modern world can deaden you after a while. This time apart from city life has helped me tune in to the sensory experiences in my very own environment. No longer dulled by screeching subway trains, and the rotting fish smells —  each room of my apartment is brimming with sounds and smells I’d never noticed before, until now. For example, I only have to set my big toe into our bathroom to “know” that one of the three “men” in my house, has peed on the floor in their haste to get to our one and only toilet. My eyes have become so sharp, I can see from six feet away from the urine spots that have become crystallized over time, trapped inside hard-to-reach crevices of the toilet seat (the things I can do with a toothpick now!). Other sensory discoveries: the rhythmic sound of my kids’ feet banging against the kitchen island for no damn good reason. My husband’s chewing noises. How can one place be so loud, and yet so quiet at the same time?

I Have Become Aware My Own Natural, Abundant Gifts

We all have a purpose on this Earth, for which we are each uniquely designed. A REASON for being here.  And one of my “superpowers” I am thrilled to have discovered, is seeking and destroying dust bunnies wherever they are hiding at any time of day or night. I heard on a podcast recently — either NPR or Goop? Same difference? — that we must identify the things that clutter our energy circles — and rid our spaces of them. The dust bunnies that have come to live with us (rent-free) in our apartment now that my whole family plus the dog are here — shedding skin and hair 24/7 — have become overwhelming in their presence and power. I have made it my mission to cleanse our living space of any bad juju — and am often seen holding a broom in one hand, and sage in the other. The broom also makes a handy cane to lean on, when I think I might pass out from the sheer exhaustion of becoming this better version of myself.

ALSO: I might be turning into a witch.