Decisions, decisions, decisions.
Being a parent is full of decisions! Really big ones such as “What school should my child go to?” and “What values do I want to instill in my family?” To really small ones, like “Should we play with Legos or magnets right now?” and “Do I add applesauce to today’s grocery list?”
The pressure to make the right decision each time can weigh you down. It causes you to second guess yourself, to look to others for the right answers and feel guilty that you have made the wrong choice once you decide. These feelings can come no matter what decision you make. It is the grass is always greener dynamic.
That is no way to parent!
Want a better way? A way that makes decision-making easy and guilt-free? A way to feel confident in the choices you make, big and small?
Yes? Okay, get ready.
There are three steps to making good decisions.
First, prioritize what it is that you want your children to learn, know, and understand. Few parents actually take the time to consciously think about what they want to impart to their children. Be one of the few!
Write down what you want to teach your children. The foundational elements that you know are important to instill in your children. This will allow you to have a target. Something to use as a guiding force for your decisions.
Don’t cross your fingers and hope they learn what is important. Take time to identify what those things are, so you can intentionally build them into your daily life as lessons. Otherwise, you are shooting in the dark, which is never a good way to parent. While the entire list may be a comprehensive mini-thesis of life, break it down to just a few sentences — a mission statement for your family. The statement should have a few highlights that encompass the sentiment that you can easily remember.
The second step is a bit easier. Commit this sentiment to memory, so you always have it on hand. Every time you are faced with a decision, ask yourself: what are the options and which option best serves the mission for my family?
Pick the decision that is most in line with your mission statement. This will give you a clear reason for each decision.
When that voice comes in that says: “Maybe the other choice was actually better,” you now have a way to remember and understand why you made the decision you made. Understanding the reasoning combats the conflict!
The third and final step is to revisit your mission statement every three months. Put it on your calendar and consider your statement for just 30 minutes. This ensures that as your family grows and changes, your mission statement remains a true representation of your dreams.
Happy deciding!
Dr. Marcie Beigel is a behavior specialist based in Brooklyn. She has worked with thousands of families for more than 20 years, and she has written the bestselling book, “Love Your Classroom Again,” and appeared as a guest on WCBS and Fox. Find out more at DrMar
