A few years ago, when my older son was three and a half and
my daughter newly a year, my son began referring to me as “Franklin”
and insisting that we call him “Harriet.” For those of you not already humming
the theme song (Hey, it’s Franklin!),
Franklin is a TV show about a sweet
turtle who has a baby sister named Harriet. My husband and I couldn’t quite
figure out where this role playing was coming from: Was it gender-related? Did
he want to be a girl? What was he trying to tell us? —
About a month or so into our new identities, I took both
of my kids to the park. My son was off and running while I watched my daughter crawl and
toddle about. Soon, a woman–looking rather confused–approached me.
“Are you…Franklin?”
she asked.
“Um…yes? Sort of?” I stammered.
“Well, there’s a little boy
named…Harriet looking for you.”
With that mortifying conversation, I had an epiphany. This was my son’s way of
expressing his jealousy at all of the attention his baby sister was getting. He
became the baby sister. And I, in some mash-up of Freudian and toddler
logic, became him–the older brother, the one with responsibilities. It sounds ridiculously obvious now, but we were so
focused on trying to understand just who our son was, that we forgot to
listen as he told us exactly what he was feeling.
I’d like to say that I learned my lesson–that another
child and four years later, I know just how to pay attention. But of course, I
find myself constantly surprised by how well my children know their own minds.
Recently, my younger son, who was an early
and dedicated talker, has reverted to baby talk. When this stage appeared in my
other children, I attributed it to jealousy of the younger sibling (see what a
quick study I am?!). But this time, I was left foundering.
“I like when you’re
a big boy. Big boys can play with Mommy; babies can’t play,” I’d tell him.
Still, the baby talk persisted. Last week, it occurred to me to ask him, “Why
do you like to talk like a baby?”
And he answered, “I’m a baby AND
a big boy. That’s the deal!”
Of course it is. Why didn’t I think of that?
Tali
Rosenblatt-Cohen is a mother of three (all of whom will be in school
come September. Hooray!). An indoorsy type, books are her only hobby. As
such, she is a former literary agent who currently writes, edits,
teaches writing, and reviews books. She and her family live on the Upper
West Side.
