All children test the limits to which they can push their parents. Children with ADD/ADHD are more prone to challenging behavior. We spoke with behavior specialist Lisa Navarra, who works with parents of children with ADD and ADHD to help them set limits and manage challenging behavior.
All children test the limits to which they can push their parents. They push our buttons, and we enforce consequences—sometimes more successfully than others. Being clear and proactive is a big part of minimizing tantrums and effectively setting rules for our kids, especially those with ADHD, who are often impulsive and may overreact to frustration or failure. Children with ADD/ADHD are more prone to challenging behavior.
How do you know if your rules and limits are fair? How do you get your child to follow them? What is an appropriate punishment for a child who has broken one of your rules? To answer these questions, we spoke with behavior specialist Lisa Navarra, who works in Suffolk County, Long Island with parents of children with ADD and ADHD to help them set limits and manage challenging behavior.
Be proactive. “You tell your child to stop doing something three times and now you’re yelling and the child is yelling back and you are having a screaming match. It’s a vicious cycle, one that is very easy to fall into,” says Lisa Navarra, who works with parents of children with ADD and ADHD to help them set limits and manage challenging behavior. Make sure your child understands what appropriate and acceptable behavior is in advance.
Control what you can. “Don’t set up situations that are bound to be overstimulating and stress-filled for your child with ADD or ADHD, such as taking him grocery shopping at 5:30 after a long day,” says Carol Brady, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and a regular columnist for ADDitude magazine.
Put consequences in your child’s hands. Ask a child what he thinks the consequence for rule breaking should be—often the self-imposed punishment may even be too harsh. “This helps kids see what they did wrong rather than making them feel like they’re being punished for bad behavior,” Navarra says.
Be direct. Always be firm, make eye contact, and be consistent. “If you’re going to ask your child to do something, make sure that your proximity is not across the room. And name the specific behavior you want them to stop,” Navarra says. “A lot of times we generalize things by saying ‘stop’ or ‘I’ve had enough’ and it becomes about us, and the child may not know what exactly he or she is doing wrong.”
Watch your tone. The way we deliver a directive affects how the child will receive it. Be aware of the tone of your voice. “Increasing our own self-awareness teaches our children to become self-aware also,” Navarra says.
Avoid getting ‘past the point of no return.’ Ask your child to stop a certain behavior before you begin to feel frustrated. “Once we start feeling frustrated it is easy to move on to that feeling of being angry,” Navarra says.
Lisa Navarra has an M.S. in special education and is the founder of Child Behavior Consulting, LLC in Suffolk County, Long Island. As a special-needs consultant and behavior specialist, Navarra facilitates parenting groups, individual consultations, and workshops on effective discipline and dealing with difficult behaviors.
