“Congratulations! She’s beautiful!” read most of the well-wishing emails my husband and I received soon after the birth of our daughter at the end of August. We sincerely appreciated the sweet messages that came pouring in as we cocooned ourselves in newborn baby bliss. But hot on the heels of these kind words was usually a question we came to dread: “When can we visit?”
Before having Rowan, I fully planned on locking myself, my husband, our baby, and our dog in the house with no visitors for at least two weeks. Those plans quickly went right out the window though. Both of our families were knocking down the door of the recovery room within three hours of us cutting the umbilical cord.
Their eagerness was expected. We had just introduced the newest family member in more than 25 years. But I knew cracking open that hospital door was essentially opening a Pandora’s box of tiresome company, elongated visits, and a profound lack of privacy – not to mention germs. Within 72 hours, our daughter was being passed around to extended family, high school friends, and some college buddies as well.
One month in, I started to feel like our quaint and previously quiet home was a suburban Grand Central Terminal – a blur of noise and faces that we couldn’t escape. We were allowing too many visitors during our previously cherished weekends, so we instituted a “no visitors on Sundays” rule. Problem is, I’ve already broken it twice.
I can’t begin to psychoanalyze why I have such a hard time telling people to go away, but I can safely say that 8-10 visitors every week for a month is way too many. Promising Saturday morning to family and the afternoon to friends with hardly any time to nurse my daughter in between and then doing it all over again on Sunday is hardly sustainable for new parents.
So here are five quick tips for how would-be visitors can respect Mom and Dad’s space as they’re getting accustomed to life with a newborn.
1. Make your request open-ended. Instead of directly asking, “When can I come by the house to meet the baby?” and forcing the couple to provide dates, take a softer approach by saying, “I’d love to visit whenever you’re ready to have company. Please let me know what might work for you in the coming weeks or months.”
2. Be flexible with scheduling. Chances are, the couple has a long and growing list of people wanting to visit. If they can’t squeeze you in during your preferred time, suggest waiting until their schedule clears so they have time to spread out visits.
3. Wash your hands and take off your shoes. Don’t ask your parent-hosts if they’d like you to take these hygienic steps. Simply do it as soon as you walk in the door.
4. Bring food. Instead of a baby gift, bring something edible that you can enjoy together or freezable meals that the family can rely on when they’re tight on time.
5. Don’t stay longer than two hours. Newborns need to be fed every 2-3 hours so you could be keeping Mom from nursing or Dad from giving a bottle if you’re hanging around past the two-hour mark.
Of course, some parents feel isolated and crave company during those first few sleepless weeks at home. But for those like me who sometimes want to lock the front door, set some solid ground rules and try to stick to them!
Whitney C. Harris is a freelance writer living in Westchester, NY. She has a newborn daughter named Rowan. Find her at whitneycharris.com.
