Dear Sharon,
My son is constantly picking his nose, and I can’t get him to stop. It seems to be a nervous habit, but he’s now 10 years old, and it looks terrible. Some teachers have mentioned it, and have tried to talk to him about it. Do you have any advice?Dear Parents,
Many children — and adults — have developed at least one behavior to cope with nervousness. Biting nails, twirling hair, and cracking knuckles are a few common habits. Of course, some nervous habits, such as your son’s, can offend others.
It is useful to remember that children go through stages of maturity and — more often than not — eventually grow out of nervous habits like nose picking. However, if parents want or need to help speed the process along, it is possible to do.
Unfortunately, helping someone stop a nervous habit is rarely easy. Sometimes repeated reminders are helpful, but often only for a limited period of time. Here are some suggestions that might help you and your son sort through other possible solutions:
Parents I have worked with have begun to help their child control a nervous habit by setting aside a period of relaxed time to discuss the issue. Have some fun before beginning the “heart-to-heart.” Also, Mom and/or Dad should try to stay relaxed and uncritical if at all possible when speaking — I know, easier said than done. Weekends or vacations — when homework and everyday pressures are not the focus of attention — can support the calm atmosphere that is often needed.
It can also be useful to begin such conversations by helping the child acknowledge that a habit, such as nose picking, is one he ideally would like to stop if he could. A child’s personal agreement to try and make a change is often a better starting place than a halfhearted concession to adult authority.
One way to help a child feel more in control and able to act — and less resigned and passive when confronted with other people’s reactions — is to ask him to propose one or two ideas that could move things forward. Children are often quite creative about strategies that might help.
Remembering the idea of “one day at a time” can also make it easier to break a habit. If a child can agree to try and stop for a short period of time — a day, week or even a few hours — a parent can offer rewards for success and the child might feel less overwhelmed about achieving the ultimate goal. The child might also notice that without the offensive behavior, it is easier for people to be around him. At that point, the accomplishment becomes its own reward.
It is often difficult for parents to be hopeful and confident about ending their child’s nervous habit, especially when other adults, such as teachers, are concerned about the problem. Nevertheless, I have seen many instances when relaxed time and attention from parents have made all the difference.
