Picture this. You’re at the playground on a random afternoon. Your son eyes an abandoned toy shovel that another child isn’t really using. The kid’s mom (also nursing a Venti) looks on. She makes sure her little guy plays nicely in the sandbox. And so, you two start talking—about everything. From how to MacGyver a tail for a Cat in The Hat Halloween costume to mommy guilt to parenting trends over the ages. You two just click.
Picture now, that mom is Gretchen Mol. It isn’t hard because it very well could be her near the tire swing and toy trucks. When you talk with Gretchen, you forget the fact that she’s one of the best (and most beautiful) actresses working today—on the big screen, on TV and on the stage. She is the cool, down-to-earth, sometimes a-little-tired-on-the-playground mom of two, who opens up with an easy laugh, ready to share a mommy confession (or ten)—like her love-hate relationship with that behemoth double-wide stroller.
From the “It” girl of Hollywood to the “It” mama of New York City, Gretchen’s current gig is on HBO’s critically-acclaimed series Boardwalk Empire, where she plays Gillian, a sexy showgirl gone pre-mature grandma. Read on for her thoughts on the role, her favorite piece of mommy gear and cooking the dreaded Thanksgiving turkey.
I have to start with it—the parenting juggle. Your husband [Director Tod Williams] works here and in Los Angeles; you’re a working mom filming Boardwalk Empire; you have two kids [Ptolemy, 4, and Winter, 9
months]. How do you handle it?
There’s this woman called Grandma, and she’s very helpful. [laughing] It is a juggle. I think the hardest thing is that every day is different, and every week is different. Especially with my job, some weeks I have one day when I
work, which is great and the kids get used to me being around. Then I have two 18-hour days in a row. I’m not there for the bath, just kind of gone, and it is hard for everyone. I try to give my children consistency, and the hardest thing about my job is inconsistency. But, at the same time, it is a great job because every day is a little different, so we don’t get stuck in a rut.
The family dynamic changed when your daughter Winter was born and you went from one child to two. How was it for Ptolemy when his baby sister came along?
It was an adjustment in the beginning. I could tell he was more emotional about random things. He would say, “Can’t you put her down?” But now, she’s more of a little being, and his biggest fan. She just stares at him, worships him and thinks everything he does is hysterical. I just love hearing the sounds of them together. Whatever the adjustment is, I think it is a great thing.
What do you love about having a family in New York City?
There is just so much to do here, like going to the American Museum of Natural History. I love the social network of other mothers and families. You may be really tired one day, but you go to the playground and you bump into someone you know. If you are living somewhere else, you have to think ahead, make the phone call, and, chances are, the last thing you want to do is see anyone. But in New York, you are kind of forced out of that. It’s great for your kids to see you being social. The other thing about the playgrounds is there are just so many kids—and your kids learn from that. They learn about sharing and personal space.
What will you be doing for Thanksgiving? Do you cook?
I am so happy to call up Citarella and ask, “When can you deliver?” [laughing] I like to do all of the stuff, but as far as the big bird goes, I cannot be responsible for that. It’s too nerve-wracking. I feel like my husband is more confident about it. [It] doesn’t kill him if it’s a little dry. I guess I’m just not a real chef because for me, if I have to face something at six in the morning, if I have been pummeling it and stuffing it all day, I think I would be too close to it by the afternoon.
What is your most essential piece of mommy gear right now?
I love the ERGO. It’s great at the playground and, when Ptolemy is on his scooter, I put Winter in the ERGO and sometimes she’ll nap there. I have one of the phil&ted double strollers, and it is just so huge. I will be so happy when I can pass that one on. It’s a very useful thing, and I was really impressed with myself when I put it together. [laughing] Yes, my son is four, but if we walk 20 blocks, it’s good to have. You need a stroller in the city.
In Boardwalk Empire, you play Gillian, who is a mom and a grandmother. My grandfather would have called her “a real tough broad.”
I always say with this character, “Don’t try this at home!” This is really not a reflection of anything I am as a mom or plan to be as a grandmother. She is a totally different animal than I am, different from any character I’ve ever
played. I’ve often been cast as sweet and good, and this character is so far from these things. It is great for me, a great little stretch, [and] a place to exercise those aspects of myself.
In past interviews, you have expressed how Gillian has a different parenting style than we do today. Do you understand where she’s coming from at all?
The one thing I will say about Gillian’s generation and many generations before ours, is there is something to be said about parenting with a little “benign neglect.” I heard my pediatrician use that phrase once when I was talking to
her about potty training. It’s not that suddenly you ignore your kids and stick them in front of the TV, but a little bit of not being on top of them all of the time is okay. I’m sure my grandmother with five kids didn’t rock every single one of them to bed—it was just not possible back then.
And today?
I feel that many parents are walking around this city with their heads smoking because we are all so geared up about our kids—literally geared up from the strollers to everything—and we are wired with so much information. There is a lot of pressure on parents now to be perfect. It’s just impossible to be perfect.
But we try, don’t we?
Trying is okay too, but I am a little worried that [the kids] start to run us. And I see that happen in our house. Maybe I feel guilty that I worked a long day, so the power struggles are a bit tougher, and I give in. Then I say, “Wait a second!” You have to reset sometimes.
What makes you angry?
I don’t have much, but I find that it is all about sleep. If you get enough sleep, you don’t get angry about stupid things. Sometimes, for me, it is that juggle: being a mom, the two kids, the work and kind of trying to keep it all straight. It can be a little maddening, particularly if you don’t have a great night of sleep. I mean, when it comes down to it, you have to be an adult. That is what it is. I can’t go into my son’s school and say, “Because I have this job, I forgot his blanket.” At work, I can’t say (in a mock crying tone), “But she woke up two times last night!”
And if you had a better night sleep, this wouldn’t be happening right
now!
I think we need to remind ourselves [that] this is a stage. This is a very intense time. I have no doubt that I am going to look back on it and think that this was the greatest time of my life, no question. In life, we all want to be
useful to ourselves, useful to something and to someone, and there is nothing more intense than the level of dependence [children] have at this stage…and then it is going to be gone.
After having two kids, every mom I know would rather walk on hot coals than get into some of your costumes or act in sex scenes for the whole world to see. Do you have any pangs when you read those scenes in the script?
To tell you the truth, yes. For me, it’s just simply the costumes and being a showgirl. On any given day, I don’t feel confident or in that zone.
Do you have to “goose” yourself up?
Kind of, yes, but it is all part of the job. I have had to think about how I feel about this— the love scenes or sex scenes—now that I have two kids. But I always come back to the fact that, for me, it is the job that I love and I love
the character. Then, you try to have as much control over what it is you are doing and showing. At the same time, I’ve always been pretty comfortable about nudity and not shameful about it. I did The Notorious Bettie Page.
That’s out there. It’s not like I am going to advertise it to my children, but I am never going to be ashamed of it. When they want to see my work, I’m ultimately proud of it.
It’s interesting when kids start to realize their parents are people, too, and are fulfilled by their work. They are able to see what you do and what makes you happy.
It is cool to have something they can see. I remember it with my mom. She is a painter, and it is so amazing when you look at someone’s work, you are seeing the interior of somebody. It’s a gift to your children. No matter what you do, if you are happy and you talk about it [with] your child, you pass something along of yourself. Whether it is being with your kids full time or having a job outside the home, it’s so lucky to love what you are doing.
