Saturday night presented a quandary: My wife and I
were invited to two 50th birthday celebrations, one for an old friend,
one for a new one. The solution was probably inevitable. We split up:
Rebecca stayed in the city and joined the party for a mom we see all the
time, and I ventured to Irvington,
to party with an old friend from college. Most people I know have
questioned the substance of their bonds with their old friends (who they
may not see that often) and new friends (with whom they have a limited
history)–and there was one touching moment on Saturday that
crystallized this dilemma for me. —
The party for my college friend (someone who I dated part of
senior year) was hosted at the home of one of her friends in Irvington and the vibe was very
loving and familial. There were a lot of kids at the party. There was a really
good cover band, led by the host. It was also clear that a
number of her friends from the neighborhood, in addition to the hostess, had made
the effort to make this a special night for their dear friend. (One of them, the Head of Education at their Temple,
was the mixologist—it was that kind of team effort.)
During the round of speeches, the hostess recounted how my friend
had been there for her when they first moved to the area and ever since, how
she’s become one of her best friends, how she always looks forward to
having deep and meaningful conversation with her, like “Could you believe what so-and-so wore last night?”
The tantalizing question with old friends is: would you still
be such good friends if you saw each other more regularly? The tantalizing
question with new friends is whether the bond transcends the convenient
circumstances that have brought you together.
Even though I was essentially a stranger to them, it was
nice to see how deeply my friend was embedded in lives of all these good people
who have shared the day-to-day of raising kids together and
being part of the same community.
Perhaps I was feeling especially tender because—would you
look at that?—there was a yesteryear picture of me and the birthday girl in one of the
video montages. (Note to self: lose a zillion pounds.)
Much later that evening, when my wife and I reconvened and
compared notes, I learned that we also made the video montage put together for
our other, newer friend—a small gesture, but appreciated, and good to come home to.
