Life is a Highway

I’ve been driving since I was 16 years old and I’m tired of it. So now that my 18-year-old son, Luke, has his learner’s permit, I’m looking forward to being the passenger rather than the chauffeur. Before Luke goes from learner’s permit to driver’s license though, my husband, Neil, and I have chosen to sign him up at a local driving school so that he can get practice time behind the wheel in preparation for his driving test. When you learn to drive in New York City, it’s called defensive driving. That sort of also sums up what it’s like to reside in Manhattan, where we do what can be considered defensive living. So, beyond learning how to parallel park, I’m hoping Luke can absorb some life lessons as well.

1.    Adjust mirrors and fasten seatbelts

No matter where you go, you should be aware of your surroundings and be prepared. New York City kids start hearing that when they begin to walk, but might let their guard down when they leave the city., They also grow up hearing how places outside of NYC are cleaner, safer, and that everybody there is so nice — a myth that needs to be dispelled. Wherever you are, watch yourself.

2.    Always take your keys

I think people worry about the big “what ifs” and how they might handle losing a job or a family member, or deal with a natural disaster. But day-to-day, it’s the little things that can add up, overwhelm, and otherwise send us over the edge. As we make our way in the world, we have enough on our plates. Who needs to wake up to a fridge without milk, a closet with no clean clothes, or the keys having been left in the ignition? We save ourselves a world of aggravation when we slow down and make sure we have the basics on hand.

3.    People will honk, cut you off, not signal, cross against the light, and simply not stop

There are a lot of nice people in the world, and then there are the others. These folks talk at you, get in your way, leave you wondering where they or their undermining comments came from, and ignore the rules. Unfortunately, there is no clear-cut path for dealing with such people. Experience, maturity, and instinct help you determine when to stand your ground, defer to the other person (to hopefully get rid of them), or get as far away from them as possible.

4.    Keep calm in case of a collision  

I’m not talking the lethal kind; more the fender-bender variety. Imagine the two parties involved as they emerge from their vehicles. Driver #1 comes out screaming, cursing, arms waving; hence known as the crazy one. Driver #2 remains calm, asks if everyone is OK, requests an exchange of insurance cards, then calls the police. We’ll call driver #2 the sane one. This is the person who witnesses remember as having dignity and level-headedness under duress.  And, of course, never put your hands on anyone.

5.  Don’t text or talk on the phone while you drive, nor DUI, nor speed

As this is graduation season, I’m reading a lot of essays where the writer offers advice about the future. But unlike the most lauded one called “Wear Sunscreen,” the pieces I’m reading are sort of snarky and jokey, with the last tip on the list being said in earnest: Break the rules. The writers then go on to explain how nothing great was ever created by those who followed the crowd (aka rules.) So okay, Future Scientist, fly in the face of convention and concoct some laughable brew in your lab that will eventually cure cancer; or Mr. Entrepreneur, open that strangely themed restaurant they say doesn’t have a prayer and become the next Danny Meyer; or Ms. Writer, self-publish that novel, which no agent wants, and sell a billion copies. Show ‘em all. But, keep in mind, some rules were made not to be broken, because they keep people from being maimed, killed or put in jail. Learn the difference.

Adulthood, especially in New York City, can be a bumpy ride. My hope is that Luke becomes confident in the driver’s seat –- and remembers to enjoy the journey.

Lorraine Duffy Merkl is a freelance writer in NYC and author of the novel, FAT CHICK, and the upcoming BACK TO WORK SHE GOES. Learn more about her writing at lorraineduffymerkl.com.