It’s the big day—the cake is baked, activities are
booked, presents are wrapped and decorations are up. Nothing could possibly go
wrong…right? Unfortunately, even when you are convinced that you’ve thought of
everything and planned the soiree down to the minute, dealing with children and
party details means that snafus are bound to surface. Here are eight common
crises that parents face and advice on how to deal with them from two women who
have seen (and heard) it all.
SCENARIO: The birthday kiddo
doesn’t want to participate.
ERICA WERBER: It’s the child’s day and nothing should be forced—that
makes it worse. I see nothing wrong with the child wanting to excuse himself as
long as the guests are entertained and you don’t make a scene. Just make sure
the child understands that it will end at this
time and when it’s over, it’s over.
ELAINE WINTER: So often, children are uncomfortable with the
spotlight and stimulation of their day. They shouldn’t feel bad about it as
long as they’re content and let the others play the game or do the activity.
SCENARIO: Everyone wants to
sit next to the child-of-honor.
WINTER: Give everyone time but without keeping track too carefully, that way everyone knows
they are going to get a chance.
WERBER: Make it the birthday child’s choice—especially if there are
siblings or cousins—so the friends who he will be in school with won’t be
offended. It’s great to have a rectangle table and put the birthday boy at the
head of [it].
SCENARIO: The entertainment
is running late.
WERBER: Always have a child-friendly playlist on your iPod [so] you
can turn on music and lead the dancing.
WINTER: You could always flip the sequence—have the cake now and see
Elmo later.
SCENARIO: An uninvited guest
shows up—whoops!
WINTER: Unless it was somebody disruptive, I would just make it as
natural as possible.
WERBER: The more the merrier, one extra person is never going to be a big deal
at a kids’ birthday party. Just take it in stride and [don’t] stress out about
it.
SCENARIO: A parent leaves the
party and their child acts up.
WINTER: When you have a birthday party, you always want a couple of extra
adults so that there’s someone there who doesn’t have to oversee the whole
group.
WERBER: I think asking them to sit down, take a few deep breaths and
relax—explain that his behavior is affecting the other kids at the party. Parents
should always leave a contact number. In the case of an emergency, they should
always be available to come back.
SCENARIO: You run out of munchies.
WERBER: Especially in New York, a pizza is the
first phone call away—an easy fix. If the kids are being entertained, the food’s
not a big deal at all. They’re going to be more into [the] activity than a bowl
of pretzels.
SCENARIO: A party guest is
MIA and the birthday child wants to know why he or she didn’t show up.
WINTER: I’d have to go with honesty. I would try and offer another
opportunity to have a special time with just the two of them later in the week.
WERBER: Explain to the child that sometimes things come up, that the
child really wanted to be there but sometimes things take precedent over a
birthday party.
SCENARIO: You’re not exactly
sure who gave what gift.
WINTER: I wouldn’t try and pretend. Just say thank you for the
lovely gift or tell the parents, ‘We had such a shuffle at the end of the party.
I’m not sure which was yours but Howie loved all of his gifts.’ Then if they
want to tell you which one they brought— they will.
WERBER: With two gifts that don’t have a card, send a friendly,
understanding email. ‘We were really happy you were at the party but we have
gifts with no cards and just want to send the proper thank you note.’ Following
up with the proper note after [the party] is perfectly acceptable.
OUR PANEL
Erica Werber – Mom to Ella, 3 1/2, and Jed, 15 months, Weber also serves
on the PTA of her daughter’s nursery school at the JCC in Manhattan. She says simplicity is key when it comes to party
planning.
Elaine Winter – Director of Middle School/High
School Admissions at Léman Manhattan Preparatory School.
