When it comes to college applications, getting in to a school can feel like a cruel test of mental and emotional stamina. How much editing help should a parent give on the essay? Which extracurriculars appeal to admissions officers? Which university provides the best fit?
The most challenging element of the college planning process for this parent has been feeling alone in the anxiety. Fellow parents of teens don’t freely share information — things are competitive out there.
That’s why it was a relief to discover “Getting In Without Freaking Out” by Arlene Matthews. A professional college consultant, Matthews says college-bound students and their parents need to take a major chill pill. Her guide is full of practical tips for tackling college app angst, and if you have vocal chords, you “will” laugh at her commentary.
The following, culled from the book as well as personal experience, just may lower your blood pressure and increase your optimism. Think of it as free therapy!
College admissions are trendy
It used to be that kids who were bright and well-rounded were placed by admissions officers at the top of the application heap. Then, parents everywhere made the mistake of pushing their kids into activities and community service and these kids fell from favor. It turns out that colleges now prize angular candidates who sport a sharply focused interest or talent.
Whether your child is well-rounded or angular, rest easy knowing that the planet needs all shapes and sizes. Well-rounded types do well in a variety of fields — from medicine to movie making — and angular types create great art and discover new technologies.
Instead of trying to package your teen based on current admission fads, you should cherish and celebrate her unique shape. Jay Mathews, an education reporter for The Washington Post, suggests stressed-out parents repeat this mantra: “People succeed because of the quality of their character, not the notoriety of their college.”
It’s who they are, not where they go
Very successful people once attended some un-cool sounding colleges (an ordinary guy named Ron Reagan went to Eureka College in Illinois and sort of did OK).
Our society has become so competitive within the realm of parenting that many people believe that where their kids attend college is reflective of the job they did raising them.
Ever heard a version of this at a cocktail party: “William wishes he could say yes to BOTH Stanford and Yale! Fabulousness just runs in the family!”
We are all charmed by designer schools, but generic is underrated, and it is simply pointless to freak about getting your kids into the “perfect” designer school, since that school does not exist. Not even in the Ivy League!
In her book, Matthews, with great comic verve, likens the Ivies, or “trophy schools,” to trophy wives. While the name of a trophy school may leap out on a graduate’s resume, like a trophy wife, those schools can also be expensive and notorious for investing more in new prospects than in current students.
“A commercialized point of view is what turns the admissions process into a game … There is very little evidence that correlates the status of a college with effective educational practice,” contends Lloyd Thacker of The Education Conservancy. “Parents need to listen to the facts, not their friends at cocktail parties.”
Matthews reminds that, in the scheme of things, there is a point where college credentials cease to matter.
When college days are history, employers in the workplace want to know what you have accomplished and whether you will continue to deliver.
You may not be aware of what college your friends, co-workers, or employer attended, but you “are” cognizant of whether your friend has strong moral character or if your co-worker has a notable work ethic.
Late bloomers can finish strong
If you have a late bloomer, you may feel concerned. Your child may be bright with multi-potentiality, but has yet to discover her niche. Perhaps she has no published articles, patents, or a single hospital named in her honor. It can be frustrating to sense that colleges want to see greatness demonstrated now.
The reality is that plenty of teenagers are just getting warmed up. Deferred blooming may even have a silver lining. After all, peaking at age 18 may spell disappointment down the line. Matthews points out the deferred greatness of Cervantes, who completed “Don Quixote” at age 68, and Grandma Moses, who began painting in her late 70s. History reminds us that finishing strong is honorable.
Muddling through the application process requires stamina, chocolate, and a sense of humor. Let’s face it — worrying won’t appease the admissions gods or increase anyone’s chances of acceptance. So arm yourself with reality-based facts instead.
Michele Ranard has a husband, two children, and a Masters in counseling.
Resources:
Matthews, Arlene. Getting In Without Freaking Out. Three Rivers Press. 2006.
Thacker, Lloyd. www.educationconservancy.org
Mathews, Jay. “Ten Ways to Reduce College Application Stress.” The Washington Post. July 3, 2007.
