When friends decide that they are
going to separate and dissolve the family unit they’ve spent
years being a part of—or at least morph it into something very different—it makes me wonder about my own marriage and why, thankfully,
it’s never been plagued by the specter of divorce. What better person to consult on this matter
than my wife, with whom I’ll be celebrating a
14th wedding anniversary tomorrow? Perhaps "celebrating" is the wrong
word. —
More likely, the day will play
out like most others, except for the addition of some flowers and maybe an extra
glass of wine or two in the course of the evening. As we do most nights, we’ll probably stay up
later than we should, but use that extra time to chat about our day, the kids, friends and family, errands and weekend plans—and we’ll probably let ourselves be distracted by the
TV as well.
On one of these late nights a few weeks ago, I raised the state
of marriage topic, and I think what came out of it was a kind of mutual
acknowledgement and confirmation that work and parenting are our lives—and that we barely have enough energy and time to
see to those things, much less have time to devote to exotic projects, like having sex more regularly. I once thought of love primarily as a feeling you have for
another; but at this stage of life, I’ve
also come to see it as something that is nurtured and built and shared—the
edifice of your lives together. We’re
lucky that our priorities still align quite nicely, and that we enjoy each
other’s company. But is that what’s gotten us through the years? For me, the real
lucky part is that for 14 years (and counting) we’ve been committed to each other’s well-being.
As with work and kids, marriage can be exhausting, challenging, frustrating and
humbling, but so worth it if you have a true partner.
––Eric Messinger
